Archive for the ‘The search for the self’ Category

Sorrow .. to a friend facing tragedy

if you do not feel sorrow

you are not human,

if you don’t deny sorrow and welcome it

you have understood what it is to be human,

if you let sorrow so completely engulf you,

like a monsoon rain, drench you completely, right to your soul

then, when the sun comes out, and you dry out,

you will have experienced your true universal, God like self

and a new beginning

Sorrow is often our path to experience that

which is beyond the ego and the self,

The Spinning Coin

spin a coin and make every decision.
heads I do,
and tails I do not,
hold the coin and let destiny decide
but did the coin really stop spinning ?
a trillion, trillion coins spinning
while I ponder
has the decision already made itself ?
while my mind pondered

Sex and the Guru

With the internet raging with people wanting to search for sex video’s of the hapless Swami Nityananda having sex with a famous Tamil actress, you have to ask what this is all about ? While people express outrage all over India through acts of violence against him and his property, others desperately want to voyeur into the wanting to look at the act.
Why ? Watching a Guru having sex with with an overweight actress who’s face you cannot see is pleasurable ? What drives us ?
It is not possible to have a Guru unless YOU worship him or her. So in effect YOU create the Guru, YOU set the rules, YOU decide what the Guru practices in his or her daily life. And then when the Guru does not conform to YOUR expectations, and finally having created him, YOU destroy him.
We need to know that there is something beyond the mundane existence of our lines. We are scared of death. We are desperately afraid of that which we cannot comprehend of course, but mostly that which we can. Like failure or self loathing. Like disease and loss. We can comprehend these things, but are so mortally afraid of OURSELVES that we look for people who can take responsibility for our lives. And the first person that is willing to come out and say ” That’s my problem, and I will look after it” becomes your Guru. Unfortunately that is what more and more people are understanding ‘Faith’ as.
So a Guru has had sex. Who decided that he/she must not ? The Guru or you ? The Guru said it of course, but almost certainly in response to a need in you that if someone had to be ‘PURE’, then they must not have ‘SEX”. Why is Purity and SEX so closely related ? Why are we so afraid of sex, so filled with guilt about it that at the slightest provocation we are willing to destroy and revile other people over it on the one hand, and use it as tools of humiliation, conquest and rape on the other hand. I know a lot of people are going to be upset when I equate puritanical attitudes on sex with rape, but the provocations are fundamentally the same.
Some will say that a Guru must be above the 5 senses realm. But hey, it’s like saying that if he suffers pain and feels it, and dies of a heart attack or has cavities and has to have a tooth extracted, then he is a mere mortal and cannot be a Guru either. Why just sex and not hunger ? Why does no one object to the sheer luxury and wealth that surround our most successful Guru’s? A Guru is a realized soul, they will say without the slightest understanding of that actually meaning. I am not sure I do, but I can certainly say that merely changing your clothes into expensive designer ‘Guru Fashion”, being able to give long lectures that appease and assuage your guilt and fears, and not having sex does not mean realization.
I do not deny the existence and possibility of beings that have come to experience their Universal Selves. Who are now existing constantly in a full experience of their lack of individuality. But what’s sex got to or not got do with that? What do we know about that state to be able to say it is sex less ?
As I said, more often than not, we create the Guru, we make the rules, we ask for behaviour patterns based on our own sense of guilt and morality. And finally we Crucify the Guru for being Mortal. I am sorry, but they were always mortal in any case, but immortal only in our creation. So much so that while everyone else just dies, a Guru ‘decides to leave his/her earthly body/
So do I, mate !

Shiva’s Night

where is my place
in this night
of your sky
existing as I am
in my own head ?
if you are
the God of all
that is,
and is not
can you not
embrace me
in your folds of
existing as I am
in my own head ?

Haiti – whats life worth ?

When there is a calamity of such huge proportions, you wonder this. What’s life worth ? As with the Tsunami in South Asia, the Earth Quake in China and then in Pakistan. Whole ideas of of religious morality come into question. The equation between Sin and suffering, between Karmic action and Consequence. What Sin did hundreds of thousands of people, including children, commit to call upon such suffering ? What astrologer could look at the the horoscope of so many people and predict tragedy for all of them at the same instant ?
How many of those were young people in love about to get married. How many plans for the future destroyed in one instant. How many pregnant mothers, with their last thoughts of their unborn babies that they nurtured as the concrete fell about them. How many parents reaching out to their children in that instant with the instinct to somehow save them, and being crushed to death before their hands could even touch them for one last instant. How many people desperately clawing at debris with their bare hands as they hear their loved ones screaming and crying for help, as the cries die down and knowing there is no hope, still clawing and screaming in agony, just one word again and again
Why ? Why ?
I don’t know why. But all I do know is that life is NOW. Grab it NOW. Tell them you love them NOW. Hug your kids NOW. Do what you have to do NOW. Tomorrow is a fantasy. The only reality is this moment and NOW.
And why does it take a tragedy to remind us again and again ?
My heart goes out to the people of Haiti. And to all of us. For we are not separate from them. None of our tomorrows are certain.

Happy New Year, Eternally and Momentarily

what do we search for
when all existence is here ?
in the snowflake that melts
before you catch it ?
in the dust particle
of the first ray of light
which disappears the moment
you try and isolate it ?
in your own shadow,
that changes
the moment you turn around to look at it ?
all existence lives
eternally, momentarily
in the moment
you experience yourself
as part of it,
if you don’t try
and define it
isolate it
measure it
and capture it
beyond that moment
I wish you all an eternal momentary happiness

Is Wisdom eternal ?

For me no, it’s a daily battle. One cannot assume one has it and stay with it. The battle between the Ego and compassion is an ongoing, almost daily one. For there is no better way to describe Wisdom but the ability to live, exist and act in a compassionate way.
That was my thought for my birthday yesterday, and I thank everyone for their good wishes.


raging mixed feelings,
giving in
to the schizophrenia of the contradictions
of existence,
of reality, desire, fulfilment and non fulfillment,
of confusion, desperation, and joy,
give into all intellectual and emotional sensation
and then try like hell not to drown
those desperate strokes of survival sometimes –
and then only sometimes
have a pattern
which, if you can
through all this,
and discipline
in to cogent cohesive thought
is creativity

‘Mental illness” and Conciousness : a personal study

This is a letter from Hugh, please read when you have time :
My short answer to your question about consciousness: Listening to various visionaries and business executives talk about technology and the Internet a few weeks ago reminded me of my earlier – and very different – trip to India when I was looking at the different ways people in India and my own country view mental illness.
We can talk about cultural differences, religious differences, different approaches to science or technology but at the heart there is a fundamental difference in how people view consciousness. In fact, I think it is the fundamental difference shaping our lives and our world.
I want to be careful to avoid broadbrush caricatures: but in the so-called “West” (see my (longer) description below, if you’re so inclined) consciousness seems to be a means to an end, that is: out of consciousness we strive to derive meaning. But in my limited experience in India, contradictions crowd in and jostle side-by-side because consciousness is the end; consciousness is the experience itself. (Joseph Campbell makes an interesting distinction between this sense of (and search for) “meaning” and that of “experience.”)
A theologian here in Chicago talks about pre-Modern thinking before the intellectual rush of (and addiction to) “knowing” was dissected from the sweet savor of “being”. So many in the West seem to fear existing in the chaos that your own email address refers to – and for them it’s a state of profound fear. (And yes, “state” is an intended pun.) To have being and knowing be one-in-the-same seems not only inconceivable, but frightening.
Which leads to my second apology: I know you’re a very busy man but to further explain my own, earlier experience:
My last visit to India was part of my personal research into a program I was working on regarding the stigma of mental illness: The director of the program and I captured the work done in 20 countries in book form for psychiatrists:
But as I say, my trip to India was personal. During the course of my research, I had met a truly remarkable man from Chandigarh. His name is Dr. Narendra Wig and he has done some astonishing work in helping those with mental illness in many countries. I noticed that during the meeting with doctors from other countries he would speak to issues about the need to address spiritual concerns for some patients.
At one of the meals, I asked him about his take on the connection between mental health and spirituality. A broad smile crossed his face: “Oh, I am so glad you asked that question.” And for the next hour, he discussed issues of the human mind in ways I did not hear “Western” doctors speak of. (Even the distinction between “brain” and “mind” is so often glossed over as incidental when in fact I think it’s a critical, fundamental touchstone for understanding.)
At one point he said: “You see, in India even an atheist can be a spiritual person.” While intellectually, I understood what he meant, it wasn’t until I accepted his invitation to come to India on my own that I came to learn a bit more. I visited him in Chandigarh and he took me on a tour of the psychiatric ward of the local hospital where he is revered and his work continues to inspire others…..


how do you define an event ?

how do you define an event ?
after the moment in which it seemed to have an existence ?
for beyond that it exists only in the imperfect ego as shards of memory
prejudiced by the ego’s need to quantify, define and moralize
did it ever occur ?
for it to occur
all of time and space would have to come to a standstill
to define it’s occurence
how do you define an event
did it ever occur ?
except as an impression
a possibility
of the imagination ?