I wish I could be a kite

I wish I could be a kite, by Eshla
I crave freedom.

Everywhere,  I look around there are challenges burdening people.  Some are trivial, some are heart-breaking.   Some are losing loved ones to disease, some are struggling to make ends meet, some are trying to hold onto the small family business, and some are simply caught in the mad chase of life, yielding to what we’ve knocked ourselves into thinking is the utopia.

As a writer, I’m constantly selling myself to editors, trying to convince them not only is the idea intriguing, but that I’m the right person for it.  Why would I be the right person for a story?  Because I’ve gotten all the accolades, because I’ve published in so many “leading” publications, because I have the resources and contacts for this kind of story?  Rarely, does passion, love, fervor for the story come into play.  Why can’t I write because I write decently and genuinely love what I write about?  Why so many other pressures?  Why do I have to prove myself constantly?  It’s the endless selling of oneself in today’s world, the endless marketing, the endless chase to the top.  Technology has only helped us do that in many ways – all the social media platforms, I’m advised, are ways to market oneself.  Use them widely and you could be a global “name.”

But they don’t understand.  I don’t want to be a global name.  I just want to write stories that feed my soul.  I just want to do some good.  I want to use my hands to build something.  I want to use these platforms to learn from others.  Can I not be silent and listen to what others are saying?  Must I also chime in?  Must I also constantly bother others?

I have young students in high school come to me, seeking advice on how to get into a particular institution, how to market themselves for different colleges, how to get the top spot at an internship, how to do the “right” activities that will get them into the right school, then the right internship, and then the right job.   I’m exhausted.  I’m exhausted hearing them and I’m exhausted by the chase, by the quest for the ideal.

And yet, that ideal is what’s breaking around me.  Friends in comfortable jobs complain of boredom, stagnation, bureaucracy, lack of creativity, inactivity, and so much more.   Why don’t they leave?  They can’t, they say.  Why not?  You’ll survive on less money, I tell them.  But how can I let go of all these years of hard work, how can I let go of this “title,” that I’ve worked so hard for, they respond, anguished by the thought of even abandoning the so-called “ideal” world.

They’re not bad people, not even greedy really.  They’re just caught in what increasingly we’re told is the right path, the way to succeed.   Eventually, it’s the house, the family, the school tuitions, the bills, the car that begin to burden them and it’s too late.  Their burdens are far too heavy to escape, to fly freely.

So, the cycle of consumerism sets in.  The little purchases fill a void; it’s the tech gizmos, the vacation home, the fancy dinners out, the extra car.   But, why?  Do they really love these things?  I doubt it.  Rather they bring a short moment of excitement, a short excursion from the mundane, the thrilling detour that quickly loses its charm.

I recall the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland, the one that endlessly exclaimed, “I’m late. I’m late.  I’m so very late.”  It’s as if we’re all too late, too wound up in what we’re told, chasing something; then, smack, somewhere along the way we realize, that in our tardiness, we’ve lost track of time.  For now, the days have slipped by, the years have too.  We must be content with what we’ve built.  We must make ourselves fit into the box, be it the lifestyle we constructed, the job we took up, the  “dream” that we achieved.

But why not be free?  Why not savor time?  Why not dismiss what we’re told?  Why not put all that energy, fuel, money into something that helps others?  Why not let the chase be for a different cause – for a gentler, kinder, more people-friendly dream?

Why not be a kite once in a while and fly against the wind?  Why not be free from the burdens that we’ve placed on ourselves? Why not get others to join us?

After all, I hear that “kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.”  Or so Churchill tells us.

The Speed of Light. Part 1. A never ending short story …

The string of a Sarod. Stretched, The finger feels its angst. Rubs against the string producing a squeaky sound.

Majid’s ‘s eyes squeezed together  concentration. His left fingers gently increasing the tautness of the string. Listening to its internal struggle. Stretch ..

Black empty space. Nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. Is this infinity ? Claustrophobic. The emptiness clawing at you. Not as the Buddha described. Nothingness is like being in a coffin that closes upon you, till you scream. A silent black empty scream.

Majid’s eyes squeeze tighter. His face in a grimace. That one moment. That has to be perfect. No, not courage. But the moment. Catch that moment before it leaves you. Millions and trillions of moments buzzing by in a nano second. Catch one before its gone.

Majid plucks the string. It fights, struggles, unable to let go of its inertia. and then finds it rhythm. Majid’s face responds to the slavery of himself to movement of the string. To the seizing of the moment.  Both he and the string dancing together.

You let out a deep sigh as the note from the string resonates through deep space. Darkness is dispelled. A sigh, and another.

Karima sucks in breath, clutches her mouth. Eyes wide in fear. In wonder. In amazement. And then lets go, a strange deep sound escapes, the letting go of all that is herself. As an exhausted Majid slides off her. Karima cries softly. Majid looks at her. She turns away. Why do they do that ? Majid wonders. Are they able to travel somewhere to a place he does not know?

” Where was Time before the Big Bang ? Was there only Eternity before the Big Bang ?”

“Before the Big Bang there was no Time and no Space. The beginning of the  Universe was the beginning of Time. The Beginning of Space….

(to be continued ..  am in Goa… listening to the water lapping at the beach. The crows trying to drown it out. I should have got up earlier.. before the crows drowned out the sound. But sleep has two interpretations.  That which you feel you need, and that which comes in waves and then pass you by)

wonderful letter from Carlisle

Hi, Shekhar! I found your site surfing thru’ the 498a.wordpress blog.

I find this letter particularly refreshing. It made me go back many years when my (only) son was a pre-teen.

“Son,” I declared over breakfast, “I had a wonderful dream last night. I’d like to share it with you …”. My son, being one of those “No Nonsense, Type-A Personality Scorpio’s”, came back with, “Well, Dad; maybe it’ll stay that way when you wake up!” This threw me in for a loop. Was this a rebellious repartee? Was he being a smartass? Or was that “dream” reality, and breakfast with my kid a passing illusion?

“Do you ever have dreams, Son?”

He looks into his bowl of cereal and mumbles, “Yes, but I don’t like to talk about them!” Hell! I’m not going to let him go this easily so I ask, “Why?” He smiles, “Because it would make people laugh and think I’m weird or something …”. He went on to explain his dreams. They’re all cartoon-type characters … but before his dreams begin, there’s this scrolling screen listing character actors (he in the starring role, of course), Producer, Director , and other credits!! And there’s background music …

“Holy Cow, Son. Keep your dreams to yourself. People will laugh and think you’re weird or something …”. “Thanks for the advice, Dad,” he laughs. “You’re welcome, Son!” I shoot back. “By the way, do you ever dream of Jessica Rabbit?” (Now, THAT might be ‘normal’ in my books!). “No comment!” he shouts over his shoulder as he rushes off to school.

Yes, Shekhar. I’ve also been pondering on “reality” and “dream” since then. Some sage was once quoted as having observed that “We make our own reality”. Could we also direct our dreams? If so, could we choose where we’d want to be? If so, would this be a conscious decision? What is consciousness …? My son served 3 yrs with the US Army “securing” Iraq and watching scores of his comrades and “the enemy” die in an immoral war …

Maybe Jessica Rabbit is real ,and the horror of war and other unpleasantness happening all over the world is really a dream – a nightmare!

I enjoyed the visit and your thoughts are inspirational. Thank you.

peace ?

“We often think of peace as the absence of war, that if powerful countries would reduce their weapon arsenals, we could have peace. But if we look deeply into the weapons, we see our own minds- our own prejudices, fears and ignorance. Even if we transport all the bombs to the moon, the roots of war and the roots of bombs are still there, in our hearts and minds, and sooner or later we will make new bombs. To work for peace is to uproot war from ourselves and from the hearts of men and women. To prepare for war, to give millions of men and women the opportunity to practice killing day and night in their hearts, is to plant millions of seeds of violence, anger, frustration, and fear that will be passed on for generations to come. ”
― Thich Nhat Hanh (thank you cinda)

when we walk

“When we walk like (we are rushing), we print anxiety and sorrow on the earth. We have to walk in a way that we only print peace and serenity on the earth… Be aware of the contact between your feet and the earth. Walk as if you are kissing the earth with your feet.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh (thank you cinda)

the morality of life saving drugs

Imagine a scenario with a quarter of  the world dying of treatable diseases while the cure is held closely by a few hugely rich corporations that refuse to dispense the medicines at a price that is affordable to the poor.  Sounds like stuff for a ‘oh my God’ sci fi movie ?

Sorry, but that is the situation right now in the world. Diseases like Hepatitis, Heart Diseases, Diabetes and Aids – all that have drugs to control them and often cure them are available.  But the patent to those life saving drugs belong to massive multinational corporations that refuse to allow ‘generic’ drugs to be manufactured cheaply in (say) China and India and distributed to save lives.

The argument of course is cost of development of these drugs. “How will the drug companies survive to do further research and go on producing life saving drugs of the future if they has sell their drugs at a loss ?”  It’s a strong argument that on the face of it seems absolutely reasonable.  But that in the word ‘cost’ and ‘loss’ lies the fallacy of the argument.

Looks deeply into the ‘costs’ of the major drug companies and you will find hidden it huge profits for the shareholders. Huge costs of highly paid lawyers to protect the patents. Highly paid scientists vying with each other to take out and protect their patents. Huge salaries to CEO and the management team with attached bonuses etc.  Huge marketing costs too. Add it all up and you will soon see that the what we call simply protection of ‘costs’ is actually often protection of ‘wealth’

And then the issue of morality kicks in.  What is the ‘cost’  of development of drugs that is fair for the populations of the world that desperately need them ?

Nor does the idea that “it mine and I can do what I want with it”  work.  We live in a global world and the fundamentals of globalization is fairness and equality. Otherwise Globalization is skewed in favour of the rich nations, and the rich within poor nations.  Globalization will then lead to conflict and war. Also the Western nations and /or the multinationals have for long had a policy of attracting the best scientific talent to themselves by higher pay scales. Its a skewed immigration policy that for years created a ‘brain drain’ that worked against scientific development in developing countries.  Thankfully that is being reversed now.

I do not deny the incredible innovation (say) in the US.  It’s ability to provide some of the best minds in the world with some of the best environments to develop their products in.  Its admirable.  But either we are a global community or we are not. And if we are, then at least availability of life saving drugs must not be used to support an ‘oasis of wealth’.

Ayurveda is a case in point. For centuries the knowledge and wisdom of Ayurveda was available free to the people. The best practitioners would dispense their knowledge and healing abilities free , being supported ore by the rich that could afford to do so.  Now suddenly there is a scramble to ‘patent’ Ayurvedic ideas and medicines.  Those that for centuries have been available free.

This has been a raging arguments – especially in light of drug companies in China and India that are producing generic formulations of drugs that were created by multinationals to be distributed at cheaper and affordable prices to those that would die without them. Gradually these ‘generic’ drug manufacturers are creating their own molecules and soon will file their own patents.  Hopefully they will turn out different,

So what is more moral. To infringe patents and save lives, or to hold on to the law of patent as a more moral stance – and lives be damned ?  I invite those with greater knowledge than I into this argument …

let the memory of love pass..

responding with grief

to moments of joy

shared with loved ones

that are suddenly

no longer with us,

is memory so fickle

that it turns from love and joy

in an instant to grief ?

the purity that lay in that moment

altered and prejudiced forever

by ever changing forms

of memory

by fear of emptiness

by fear of loss.

hoping the tears

will wash away

those fears,

leaving behind

just purity

of love

unfettered by loss,

for

the mystery of death

being no greater than

that of birth

like two eternal lovers

entwined,

one has no existence

without  the other,

but birth

brings no memory

no carbuncles on its hull

but only wonder,

and death

leaves a lifetime of memories

of associations

of fear

of loss,

let the memories

be dissolved

in my tears

leaving an

overwhelming

sensation

of love

like birth

let the memory pass..

responding with grief

to moments of joy

shared with loved ones

that are no longer with us,

is the memory so fickle

that it turns from love and joy

in an instant to grief ?

the purity that lay in that moment

altered and prejudiced forever

by ever changing attitude

of memory ?

by fear of emptiness

by fear of loss,

hoping the tears

will wash away

those fears

leaving behind

just purity

of love

unfettered by loss

for

the mystery of death

being no greater than

that of birth

like eternal lovers

entwined

one has no existence

with the other,

but birth

brings no memory

no carbuncles on its hull

but only wonder

and death

leaves a lifetime of memories

of associations

of fear ,

of loss,

let the memories

be dissolved

in my tears

leaving an

overwhelming

sensation

of love

like birth

We the People

While the world’s attention was held by scenes of violence in Libya and elsewhere, it completely missed one of the most significant movements in a Democratic governance any where in the world.  An experiment, if it works will be a model for the rest of the world to follow. An experiment in which Civil Society has an active say over governance above the Parliament not just once every 5 years, but continuously over the term of a government in power.

It may be an experiment that is just too complex to handle given the bureaucratic tangles of the Indian Political and Administrative system. Or it may just work.  The Jan Lokpal Bill as it is called has still to be passed by Parliament. Has a Parliament anywhere in the world voted for strong strictures on it’s own functioning?

It might just. Why ?

Because the Bill, or at least a more lenient version of it has been outstanding for over 40 years with no Government in power actually havig the gumption to push it through. But right now there is a chance of it being pushed through not because the Indian Politicians have had a sudden change of heart.  But because one 74 year old activist took up a revered method of protest in India and galvanized large populations all over India in protest s that spilled over into the streets.

He went on a hunger strike for 12 days. And while the Government thought they would solve the problem by throwing him and his core team into prison, all they were effective in doing was galvanizing even more popular support for him. For 12 days it was a ‘see who blinks first’ contest between the Government and 74 year old Anna Hazare.  And fearing large scale violence in the event of Anna Hazare’s death the Government blinked first.  And the people rejoiced.

And while hunger strikes are not an uncommon method of protest in India, ( ‘Iron’  Sharmila Chanu has been on one for 11 years, being force fed http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irom_Chanu_Sharmila ) , Anna Hazare’s tool was a simple, effective and hit the depths of almost every Indian’s consciousness. Like Gandhi’s simple message to the British of ‘Quit India’, Anna Hazare’s message was an ‘anti corruption movement’.

Corruption has been at the heart of Indian Political, Administrative, Police and Judicial system, certainly since Independence 65 years ago, maybe before. The presence of which has been resented by those that are victims of it (almost 90% of India) , and celebrated by those that manage to benefit from it.  But its the sheer size of it that has suddenly brought it into focus, with amounts moving into Billions of Dollars and arising from a vast network of Political/ Business alliances.

Some say it is a cultural trait.  I have different reasons.

The Indian Constitution was written for a population at that time of 350 million people. For a largely middle aged, and mostly rural demographic. In a world which did not change much over the five year tenure that a Government had.  It was also written at a time where the general perception was of a populations resistant to change, that lacked mobility, and one where the Founding Fathers assumed would need to be led and nudged into modernity.

If some one had told the Founding Fathers that time that India would head towards a population of 1.3 Billion with 65% under the age of 25, aspiring to modernize, urbanize and partake of a world that was constantly changing on a dime, perhaps they would have thought differently.

Though it was not the principles laid down in India’s constitution that were wrong.  In fact it is reputed to be one of the fairest, most just and precise Constitutional document’s in any Democracy.  The problem lay in the Political, Administrative and Judicial systems that were set up to support that constitution. Systems that were reflective of the Inertia of those times. An Inertia that over time has come into increasing conflict with modern India. Overloaded, unresponsive and uwilling to change, the people responded with the only way they had to overcome the wall of Inertia they faced in their every day lives.  Bribing their way to either survive, to get justice , or to gain vast favors for themselves.

We must wait to see if Anna Hazare’s Jan Lokpal Bill manages to control corrupt practices or just adds another layer to a large inert bureaucratic machine. But even of the bill does not go through Parliament, Anna Hazare’s movement has achieved huge success. It has brought notice to the Members of the Parliament that their decisions are not just unto themselves. That however effective or ineffective the final Bill maybe it has put all members of the Political Class on notice. But more…

The movement has raised the people of India from their slumber. Not just the disenfranchised, the poor and the hungry, the hopeless.   But the vast middle classes of India who took to the streets. The educated, the students, the ones with jobs to lose, the ones with hope in their future. Who walked together with their domestic help, with the people they would normally bypass without a glance

And that woke the vast Indian Political system from it’s slumber.  Because the urban and semi urban middle classes of India that usually are the bulwark of stability in any Democracy, were screaming on the streets asking almost to overthrow the political system.  No Government, current or the future,  could be safe if that happened. Howls of protest from within the walls of the parliament shouted hoarse that to strike at the Parliament meant a strike at Democracy.  That Anna Hazare’s movement was undemocratic.  They were wrong.

The Parliament is a political  system designed to serve the principles of Democracy laid down in the Indian Constitution. It is not Democracy in itself.  And the Founding Fathers got this one completely right.  The first words in the Indian Constitution are ‘ We the People of India’, and the rest followed. Anna Hazare’s movement had used protest as a tool to make the largest Democracy in the world far far more vibrant,

And the World did not notice that this was done with not shot fired, not an ounce of violence. India’s  second coming was completely peaceful.

Passing of a friend

I went to Jag Mundhra’s funeral expecting grief. What I felt was a warmth.  Almost as if the warmth he exuded all his life exploded out and permeated the molecules of the air around us.  I met his wife, Chandra and through her tears her first words to me were ” What a history we have all had together. What incredible moments”.

Truly. Happy moments to be thankful of. Unforgettable moments shared that  gave life the joy it is supposed to have.

The laughter in times of sadness.

Almost as if the laughter continues through the passing away of a friend.

Its what friendships are meant for. To bind all the ups and downs in life into one idea of shared adventure.

Through life. And through death.

RIP Jag. And thank you for the laughter.