Attention seeking

We spend our lives trying to get attention and loving it. Getting attention is what provokes people, creates relationships and also destroys relationships. At some levels the ego is propelled to do greater things while it seeks attention. But at other levels, for so many of us attention seeking becomes an obsession. Therefore self-destructive. You can’t spend your life seeking affirmation through other people’s eyes. More often than not this leads to a loss of self-worth with all its associated problems.
I spent many years of my life as a young man in wonderful adventures, but also in “Vanity” about myself. I often look back at my life and wonder how many beautiful relationships I missed out on, how many great adventures I did not give myself to, because of my own vanity or the need to seek attention.
But better late than never, I am on a different path now as I realize that the greatest adventure of all, the greatest potential relationships of all, the greatest love of all, lies in what’s given. Not in what is received.
Not because of some great “altruistic” or “selfless” illusion of myself. But because the greatest adventure of all lies in seeing yourself not as an individual drop, but as the ocean. To lose my sense of individuality. To lose that which is “Shekhar Kapur” the individual allows me to lose “me.” I am not saying that I am there yet. My ego still carries too many remanents of the past. Past desires, past aspiratons and past insecurities. But I’ve made a start.
Everyday, for a part of the day I argue against my own ego to remind myself of the greatest illusion of all.
My individuality.

28 thoughts on “Attention seeking

  1. Very true, reminds me of One of my favourite urdu couplets by Mirza Galib which reads—-if we cannot see the ocean in a drop of water and the whole in a particle, man’s vision is but a child’s plaything.
    Wonderful writep, truly inspirational.

  2. something i very much relate too…it felt as if Now u r talking …now u r talking like a true wanderer…
    ur destiny is in walking…ur soul is too sensitive hence u will have to walk…and in the processes u will hit the walk-less walk…

  3. Sir, Half of the things in the Universe exists out of somebody’s mistakes. Who will judge that mistakes (read time lost in aspirations vanity accidents etc etc) are actually the Universe’s tools of creation. Why we wish to be judgmental about anything which doesn’t follow conservative and dogmatic rules of ancestors. Why being on the right side is… Read More considered as the sole Universal truth. In Samudra manthan Both the Devtas and Asuras had equal contribution and the Samudra Manthan was the Universe’s biggest exercise of creating this World. I believe Buddha’s leaving of the material Kingdom and accepting the path of selflessness has influenced a many of the desire of being like him in some form of other. I believe SHEKHAR KAPUR is himself only because of the journey he chose to take and the platforms and vanity of attention he spent his time on. There is no need of any Illusion of Individuality. Every one has the right to contribute and create the UNIVERSE their own way!!
    Vinod Agarwal – Playing a Devil’s Advocate

  4. Hi Shekhar,
    this is for the first time I am reading your blog. Have so many things to write down, will that be useful? I am not sure.
    All I can say is that I can familiarize myself with each and every sentence of yours. I am glad that you have realized what it is to satisfy the self. Some get too late….
    With good wishes,

  5. good stuff………….a true confession……..a right path……….may god give you the power of discrimination and right vision to see your real self not just as “shekhar kapur”.
    a welcome start.

  6. The inspiration from this read is quite powerful…where it points to is even more powerful. I am certainly not there yet either…but in the last week, I was thinking about how most of my life I have seen myself through the eyes of all the family, friends and not so friends…their opinions, conditioning, praises, insults, put downs, encouragement, support etc. How I have become a part of my surroundings and all those around me…or visa veersa…and now, I am beginning to review and search that which is “me” reaching for the being that is untouched by any external forces or influences. How to navigate myself through the experiences and become the witness, arriving at a place within that has no judgement, no sight, no sound, no taste, no smell or no feel…a place which can not be described in words, nor felt…it just “is”. Now, I think it is part of a necessary journey to travel all these things in order to arrive at “nothing”…such a paradox…hmmm.
    I am beginning to see myself through my own eyes and not the eyes of others…now, at 46, it is not too late, but all too often, I stumble and fall over and over on the ego and the obstacles…then realise, within all the complaining and analyzing that it is the “play” that helps us to arrive at the present moment, when we become aware and step out and become the observer.
    Where does it all go?
    When does it all end?
    Why is my thinking taking this path?
    just…why is this all happening?
    *Thank you Shekhar, again, for another mindfull, thought seeking read.

  7. Our entire education is geared to promoting this individuality, to determine who is the best among us, competing for that one seat in a prestigious institute with lakhs of others, competing for that job showing why you have that difference and that cutting edge and that individuality that the employers are looking for – in a society of scarcity, individuality becomes the key – oh for that society of abundance.

  8. That is so true Shekhar Saab. That is so true..I feel the same way. Why is it so essential to get that ” Attention” when we are ordained to be what we are today. All of our decisions & choices have taken us this far where we were given a chance to ‘think twice’ about each and every choice we made.
    I guess ‘ struggling to know yourself’ inspite of you being a celeb or an artist or a mathematician is what makes you realize of your ” awareness ” around you which is IMPORTANT to know. ” Awareness” can truly get what you want. That awareness can bring you calmness and the cool shade like a growing tree like a deep warmth about yourself and the stuggle will keep you flowing through it..
    Remember there is no result without the resistance.. no attention without that struggle that it requires to get it.. and when you get it, it is like ” No big deal at the time”

  9. i am reading a great book – power of now by eckhart tolle.. have you read it?… if not, i will highly recommend it to you..

  10. Dear Shekhar, this is a very poignant and astute observation of the spiritual growth of the human being.. from the self-fullfilling prophecy of the egoic icon, to non-egoic Self-awareness. You put it all so very well, and I do believe every single person on earth; travels this same path, as part of our personal human evolution of self to Self! May your journey continue to be a most observing, enjoyable and awakening one…
    Personal Best,

  11. Shekhar, I for one think this blog is more than just attention seeking. Yes, ego has many forms, one of the most enduring ones is vanity. But so what ? Isn’t is only human ? Isn’t me responding on this blog a result of some vanity or attention-seeking on my part. I also see it as sharing.
    I believe nothing is purely egoic but have different proportions of the ego and soul. I see this blog primarily as “sharing creativity, sharing vision”, a flavour of the soul.
    I hope you can see both these flavours in you. As I see it your ego is very attuned to the soul. And we are ultimately the soul, not the ego-mind-body.
    I’m trying to practise mindful awareness of all these aspects of our own selves, so that the undesirable ones fall away and the desirable ones are nourished, so the wise say. You need not go to the Himalayas for this 🙂

  12. Every day, every lily every pebble,
    bears the mark of uniqueness,
    ever new.
    Need – feeds Personality, lulls creative force,
    coloring individual soul,
    what a bore.
    A reasonless song, a smile innocent pure,
    a causeless effect,
    love sure.
    A Mukta’s not coloress, though water pure,
    sargun is nirgun,
    mystic lore.

  13. Dear Shekhar,
    Everyday, for a part of the day I argue against my own ego…
    There is no necessitate to argue against or pro…. When an infant starts to walk or talk…Doesn’t he want an attention from a mother? We all just always remain infants in front of this big Mother Nature. Now that’s the other thing, if we think that we are grownups now…or we achieved a lot or know everything about this world…
    The fact is that we know nothing and if this little child (us) seeks the attention and it makes him/her happy….then let him/her be that way…..
    The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
    Even I don’t have any solutions….It is just a thought….Lets keep digging, may be one day we will get there.
    Thanks for not posting my last post,that was written in anger and was not right… we all do that once in a while because we are infants.

  14. focus on the other observation here..Attention. A wonderful thing..what is its job? Like a torch in the dark forest of shines light in one direction all the time..fetching details which build the illusion of your reality.. can you be aware of the attention itself and once in a while turn the torch onto the one who is shining it? what do you see?
    This is not an esoteric, other worldly, mystical question. It is as real as any other question.

  15. Creation ceases to exist without Ego. So the next question could be – Why this creation? Who needs it?

  16. Shekhar,
    You hardly know me.
    How can you when I am writing in a garb of a seeking human mind ?
    I will not write here anymore after this post.
    The real goal of Yoga is Ego Transformation .
    But the goal is not reached by Endless Questioning , eternally seeking answers either !
    The seeking without desire for an answer , is what prepares the mind , purifies it for the answer . The search is not endless.
    The seeking without desire for an answer and living with giving is in itself , the perfect definition of ‘ nishkama karma ‘ which the supreme personality of Godhead and Lord of Yoga, Sri Krishna gave humanity via Arjuna.
    When the answer touches us , we cannot write anything we cannot express what it is .
    As long as you write , you are not there. But I commend you on your beginning – which is the rough and tough path of Ego transformation.
    It is not easy – you will be tested hard and i feel you will give up.
    But good luck.

  17. There is nothing like self realization and its like metamorphosis for the soul. A fresh start welcomes you with each day blossoming as spring flowers… There is no such thing as a “self,” or that the illusion of a self is an emergent phenomenon. Can we really leave the ‘I’ behind us..don’t have idea what language will be like then.

  18. @Sanjay Malhotra
    Wonderfully put, one of my lecturers used to say even a fool knows what he knows, if you think you are wise, it should be when u completely know your ignorance! To know our ignorance, we should know the depth of pool of knowledge in its real sense, and then we will feel that we know nothing! And this feeling drives one to learn,and its never ending journey, this is what I feel since a couple of years.
    Very nice thoughts Shekhar, please do not have not regrets regarding the past….. all those incidents have made you what you are today and they are only making you to take this new path! Wish you a great journey, and thank you so much for sharing the wonderful thoughts!
    Prayers, love and peace

  19. A moving piece of honesty about your inner quest for god realisation.
    Rudra, your share is wonderful, I hope you will continue to write and share your spiritual journey. How beautiful to state the paradox. .To seek yet not to know. Isn’t that love of god. I love god, period how many of us can claim this simple sentence. I have realised after many years on the spiritual journey, that I am the divines expression only through love. How many egos relinquish of their own accord from this place of just being in love with god. I can say finally that I am in love with god.
    We do not in 21st century seek solace in our spiritual quest just from gurus but also from our fellow blog writers, facebook, social media. The ordinary non sectarian spiritual seekers of truth.
    A single sentence could awaken another soul in another continent.
    The biggest gift as spiritual aspirants is to continue our spritual writings for one another. Spreading what little knowledge we may have acquired since who knows what spark could be ignited.
    It is to shekars credit he bears his personal journey online for us to witness himself as a spiritual seeker. We are indebted to his frankness, humility and compassion for the goal of the spirit to know itself.
    love grace

  20. @shira,
    very well said
    ‘A single sentence could awaken another soul in another continent.
    The biggest gift as spiritual aspirants is to continue our spritual writings for one another. Spreading what little knowledge we may have acquired since who knows what spark could be ignited.
    It is to shekars credit he bears his personal journey online for us to witness himself as a spiritual seeker. We are indebted to his frankness, humility and compassion for the goal of the spirit to know itself’.
    I am greaful to Shekhar and many others who add eye opening thoughts!
    Prayers, love and peace

  21. So this is it? There will be no further investigation into any other teams? All the past sins of others are forgiven as long as they sign the paper that says they will not take part in a bounty program again? Sounds to me like Goodell made his example of the Saints, a small market team, and decided that he won’t investigate any other teams in case he discovers something that will be a black eye on a team that has more fans and brings more money into the NFL. I have not yet heard anyone cite a specific player whose career was ended by an illegal hit by the Saints. Even Warner said that the hit on him was legal and clean. Belichick got a slap on the wrist for CHEATING. Some players are suspended for crimes that are never prosecuted because the evidence doesn’t meet the burden of proof necessary for our court system, yet others (cough Vick cough) are convicted and serve time and are allowed to play again, even spoken about as MVP candidates (because he’s the type of person I want MY kids to grow up to be like).

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