For who ? For ourselves. Did we do something, some ritual that affirmed our faith today ? In what ? In ourselves. Our ability to connect with our inner selves. For if we do not, who is this person that is working, loving, talking etc. It’s certainly not you.
It’s an everyday search for me. For that something that can put me in touch with myself. My connection to consciousness. My connection to loving nature.
Of course many people have faith. Which is a wonderful ability. I don’t have blind faith. I am more of a searcher. Questioner. Good, bad ? I don’t know. No value judgements on any faith or the question of faith. Or on myself.
Some people do it with meditation first thing in the morning. I have never been able to do that. I have to connect to something, however small, however little, to loose my sense of individuality. That’s the daily struggle. Against my own exaggarated sense of myself. I am so used to it. I have relied on it for so many years. So tough to let go now. Not that I have never questioned it before. But now, it is really important for me to be truly ‘active’ rather than ‘reactive’, which is what I have done most of my life. And how do I know what that ‘true’ action is ? Unless I am constantly in touch with something larger, more immense, more universal than myself ?
Yes I know. By letting go. By allowing yourself not to be addicted to the result of your action. By allowing chaos to invade your life. Yes, I agree. All of that. I do allow chaos to prevade in my life. I am impeteous (spelling). But then the individual in me fights back hard.
It’s an everyday battle. This battle to let go of one’s addiction to one’s sense of individuality.
Yet, the smallest of things can provoke the sensing of my flowing into something much much larger. Something infinite.
This morning it was my 5 year old daughter waking me up with a loud ‘Peekaboo’ and the tinkling of an early morning laugh.
Sometimes it;s just getting up early enough to watch the first shades of dark blue brush across the sky. Something deeply stirring about that.
Sometimes it’s unexpected gestures of affection that were not sought. Or given so instinctually that you were not aware of them.
Sometimes, it’s writing a poem. But only if the words are coming from somewhere else. As if something is flowing through you, a river of emotion you can physically feel that flows through your being.
But it is always so unexpected. So much that I am constantly aware now. My senses hightened. Waiting for that unexpected moment.
When something deeper will reach out and engulf me, and give my life, and all my actions, however small, a deeper and all encompassing context. On a daily basis.
So say a prayer for me. And for yourself.
Shekhar
most of my friends are no longer in my life…
did i say a prayer today?
help me with this new way of life…
aum
i wonder if when people say,
don’t go into the past
leave the past behind
stop dwelling in the past
if they actually mean,
don’t bring up, dwell, or think about
the painful part of your past
because when people talk about joyous memories,
adventures, anything that resembles some form of
delight and pleasure, happiness, no one says
don’t bring up the past
what i feel might be going on here is that people
are so uncomfortable with dealing with pain
and treating it as if it were a natural way to express
emotions and feelings, that the only way they could
avoid dealing with it, is to keep it hidden, and not only
their own pain, but others too
it could very well be the conditioning from our
parents or who raised us, that we were taught
to suppress our tears, pain, suffering, because to them
it was a sign of weakness, as taught to them by a previous generation.
perhaps, notice what you do next time someone
cries or expresses pain, and see how you respond…
ever try to spend a $10 dollar bill with one side blank?
it would be considered fake!
are we missing something by focusing more on
“the light” and avoiding “the dark”?
are they one and the same?
this diwali, i watched the flame rising out of the
wick in the diya…
it is always black/dark at the point of where the flame
comes from
it seemed as if one could not exist without the other
explain explaining explanation
if you will?
to begin with
this is the end
of the other word before it
and the start of another to come next
which word is the actual end and beginning?
does it end because there is a dot
or is that dot the starting point until the next time something is written
whetther it be in this sentence or the next
half way round the world
who is to say where anything really started or ended?
a big bang is not the beginning of something new
it feels more like the
extension of an expression
of energy
stretching across the sky
perhaps, a dot
and the next word has already been written but
we are not able to see it with
the view that takes us
only to the dot
and not beyond
a depletion of “self worth” can possibly be
the expression of some form
of abuse/trauma in early childhood
a person might express that lack of self worth through
shyness
anger
arrogance
bullying
dominance
manipulation
agressiveness
inappropriate sexual tendencies
excessive drugs/alcohol …etc
what gifts and creativity lies dormant buried inside of us?
sometimes finding its way out when in the company
of a safe and supportive environment
and
at times it may push its way out
so it becomes visible and heard
and felt
but
somehow takes on a new expression
that can sometimes reveal the pain that simmers inside
creativity is creativity
it will most likely show up when
given the circumstances that
allow it to emerge
a lot like walking on a banana carpet
constantly slipping on my thoughts
and falling off the peel
if you say
“i don’t know”
does that mean you
know that you don’t know?
is that still knowing something?
loaded with questions…
but where are the answers?
wow! that sound like another question?
i must be loaded with questions,
most people might think they have answers,
but perhaps, it is the one who answers with
questions are the ones who increase the
inquiry and curiosity
to look for more answers
that eventually turn into questions?
example…
a person can say
i was born on july 13,
but what do they really mean?
i came out of my mother’s uterus?
or somebody else’s uterus, whom my mother’s egg was put there to
develop?
being born refers to the moment of the egg meeting the sperm and
they begin a new transformation?
born from the time the head crown emerges, the head, the entire body,
when the first cry is heard?, etc….
do we even know what we mean when we say things?
questions are loaded, to a path of no definite answers?
Abhi
how do you feel ?
would you beat your child until they are bruised and bloodied,
and say to them, you are the story you tell yourself?
change it, now!
are people the sole writers of their own stories, or are there
many contributions added in over the years by hundreds
of others?
to speak to someone as if they are the only ones responsible
for their circumstances sounds more like manipulation and control,
perhaps?
gordon lightfoot
I listened to an interview with Gordon Lightfoot this weekend,
he talked about a time when he was in hospital and had to be
revived from “flat lining” twice, he said he remembered being “dead”
and it was the most peaceful time in his life he could ever recall.
So, Shashi Kapoor…wherever your spirit takes you,
I feel it might be a place that is of the most peaceful feeling.
The one experience i had with Shashi, in person, was in Toronto,
while shooting on set. i was an extra, and in between shots, he and i sat
down at a table and had a short conversation.
he told me his wife picked out his clothes to wear, and some other things,
but the impression that i was left with about him, stayed with me.
Shashi to me, was very pleasant, and friendly. He didn’t come across
snobby or flirtatious, but as a down to earth person, who loved his wife.
That was a short encounter, and I don’t know him personally beyond that, but
look at how a few minutes of conversation can leave such an impression, that
more than 30 years later, it is what I remember about his character.
i wonder, how powerful one moment can be in a person’s life, that we can move
and influence another person’s view about us, without even being aware of it, and
how the other person interprets what we say or do, is also another part of the
experience, who can really say what is true and constant?
Had I spoken to Shashi for 10minutes instead, would i have said the same things about him?
…and, what really matters?
the moment, the 10 minutes, all of it, none of it, my opinion, his opinion?
do our opinions matter?
im not even sure why i wrote all of this here.
some things are better left
to
poetry
raw…
bruise…
out…
anger…
rage…
bliss…
notice how some words sound like the energy that is typically expressed by them?
sleeping into awakeness
celebration another year around the sun…
72 times dancing around the sun, in and out of adventures unique
to one such as you!
good blessings Shekhar!
perhaps, we are the stories we tell ourselves,
with contributions from all of the other stories
that unfold around us…
we are the stories carried by billions of lives connected
we are also the stories that combine with the stories
others tell us
eye glasses have a way of making things clearer
i wonder if friends are like glasses sometimes,
and
when you begin to see things in a blurry way when you are with them
then it’s time to get a new prescription?
new glasses
new friends?
hmmm
what is it about music that can stir the emotions in such a way, that when a particular tune or song is heard, it will trigger or influence the way the physical body responds to the notes and sounds being heard?
…the sensibility of children’s minds
seem to go far deeper than we understand
chains
around
my
neck
like a dog
taken for a walk to the place of your choice
pulled and tugged, ignored a lot of the time
while you are on your cell
and when im done
leaving some mess behind
back to your place again
and
even though the chain is off my neck
still
i have to follow your orders
make you happy
listen to your problems, stories, complaints, anger, cries, and joys
if i bark for more than 15 sec, you tell me to stop
you are constantly telling me what to do
when to do it
how to do it
when does this all end?
and how come you call me
your best friend?
is this what we do to our best friends?
in rage there is age (the length of time that a person or thing has existed)
in rage there is rag ( a piece of old cloth which you can use to clean or wipe things)
in rage there is ra (sun god)
in rage there is ge (the chemical element germanium)
in rage there is … more than we feel, see hear, or know
for my brother, who turned 72 on Nov. 1
after surviving a collapse, and near death experience…
love and prayers of healing, peace, and good health
aum
frustrating…
people give loads of advise and expect you to do it as if
you automatically know how.
to tell a person who is deeply depressed to cheer up and see the light, be happy, why aren’t you grateful for what you have? etc.
is like telling a toddler to go drive a car
not only you can’t reach the peddles to make the car stop or go,
you can’t even see the road
so there’s no point, and then you’re telling them to do something they can’t, so then you are setting them up to feel like a bigger failure, i feel.
i feel, it makes more sense to be with the person and let
them know you care for and love them, and perhaps,
ask if they need for you to do anything
that’s a more appropriate and realistic first step
i feel, advise to a deeply depressed person sounds like a foreign
language, it just doesn’t computate
did you notice who was driving the bus?
maybe we are not the ones making up the stories but the ones being made by the stories
Good Blessings and love to my Son,
Aaravinda Raphael Dev
that his health and well being
is improving and getting better everyday…aum
seeds do not need our help to regrow, otherwise
there would be no forests…
centuries upon centuries ago, we were not the ones who put the forest there
by planting seeds, the forests were already there…
we are the ones who cut down the forests though!
i wonder about parents thinking its ok for
children to sit on a strange man’s
lap, take photos with him, let him whisper
whatever he wants into their ears,
and sometimes give them candy,
all in the name of how marketing “Santa”
has conditioned people into thinking its ok to do that to their children.
i feel, most of the time we are not aware of the
messages we send to our children by the actions, choices,
and decisions we make.
a prayer for more awareness…
Is Shekharji ok?
he hasn’t posted for 4 days
maybe not being interested in anything is not such a terrible thing,
what if it was a natural phenomena to just ‘be’ ?
depression is like a virus, in my experience,
difference with this is,
people wouldn’t tell you to get over the measles, ebola,
bird flu, chicken pox, etc. and talk to you as if you were pretending
or as if you were in control of it,
instead,
what a lot of people with depression get is…
why don’t you just shake it off
keep yourself busy
trying to cheer you up, when your brain can’t relate
making stupid jokes
i know how to heal you
i know how to make you feel better
aren’t you tired of being sad?
why don’t you appreciate or be grateful for what you have?
etc.
depression is visible only to the person who is experiencing it,
so it is harder for others to understand or identify it.
its hard for the person who has it to identify it also,
because deep depression takes you to such a deep place,
you don’t even recognize yourself anymore
there’s a numbness
there is extreme pain
torture
helplessness
lost
overwhelmingness
scared
afraid
vunerable
weeping
thoughts of ending life
feeling of no use to anyone or self
a sense of not belonging
i don’t think there is a vaccine for depression…
“Love yourself, so others love you.
Believe in yourself, so others believe in you.
Respect yourself, so others respect you.
In short,
the way you treat yourself
sets standards for others.”:)
by Anupam K.
I was wondering, would an adult say this to a child and expect them to do those things, or would an adult simply show those qualities, by example, and the child would naturally learn it that way?
Who does this advise really apply to?
it seems as if it is only when a person has personal experience with a specific event,
it is then they can truly relate and have a better understanding of what it might be like for
another person with a similar experience, otherwise, no matter
how much knowledge, how much intelligence, how much comprehension and cognitive
abilities a person has, still…it is not as actually having the experience itself, i feel.
some of the greatest scientists
are the women and men who cook
in a mindful way,
using ingredients as chemical compounds
to create new tastes, experiences, feelings,
thoughts, experiences,
the kitchen becomes the lab
the pots and pans become
the petri dishes
scientific cooks who knew what to make in order
to heal, cure, sooth, relieve, relax, excite,
calm…and so many other uses
that can bring all kinds of experiences to the palate
my grandmothers were scientists
my mother was a scientist
T’was the night before Christmas, when all through the dwellings,
everyone was stirring, getting last minute stuff done, this and more,
is what holds us to traditions, all through the years, and we also reflect on
other ways to be grateful, kind, and caring, from far or near,
still…we all circumnavigate the same sphere!
Here’s to the one called, Jesus, and some crafty story tellers, creative marketing,
and traditions that gave us a reason to make an effort, that we otherwise may have not,
to show gratitude to those who matter to us.
T’was the night before Christmas,
While a slow snowfall coats the world white,
Speed in the dwellings as lights remain bright.
Through condos and homes,
through and through,
The places we share with loved ones,
old and new.
Together, to gather,
to share, to listen.
We finish our wrapping and remember old traditions.
The hand tics, the day draws near,
together we come,
members of the same sphere.
Reminding us that we are but a part of
a greater whole,
The story incomplete in the absence of a goal.
On this Eve O’er Christmas,
That goal to appreciate,
To gratify our attitudes,
Reworked to gratitude.
We strive to be better,
As the quiet snow falls,
In this calm Winter weather.
written on December 24, 2017, Christmas Eve, in Toronto
by Cinda (Mama, 54) and Aaravinda (Son, 17)
as we were many blocks away from each other, on the same night!
gravity
belief is a type of gravity
i feel
bleeding with joy and sorrow
flying and drowning
singing and wailing
blind into seeing all that there is
nothing in everything
powers of weakness
far over the hills of wanting
and greed and longing…that
knowing is not knowing
where to turn
thoughts are speeing so fast they appear still
as in the darklight..iam…iam not
what are stories?
words singing to us about
the picture we paint using
strokes of sentences
dotting commaing questioning
exclaiming….
beginning and endinging
and
some stories just ride on a continuous thread of stretching the inquiring mind of not having all
of the details, but leaving you to make up your own
story from the few snippets given?
getting ready to pass 2017
into the fullmoon, 2018,
not one fullmoon but two…wuuuuweeee!
to all of us who take care of children,
that we learn how to provide a safe and
loving environment, and serve children
by example of how we
would like this planet to
evolve in healthy, caring,
and patient loving ways
why do we feel like we must have the thing
that we desire, and not just be content with
admiring it for what it is, and leave it at that?
is it something conditioned into us?
i can’t stand to see anyone being forced to do something…makes me sick to my stomach
one person forced, leads to them forcing others…and so on and so on…
when does it stop?
may the force not be with you…
maybe i just ask too many questions, but what is this
“god”
we speak about, as if we know what we speak about?
everywhere, no where, some places, all places,
only with some beliefs, with all beliefs….
what do we really know about what we speak about?
It was most inspiring and moving to witness this 75th Golden Globe Awards,
consciousness and awareness being brought to the forefront,
as we move through time and help each other to be authentic and truthful
to ourselves and others, stretching from within our own hearts and souls
across the entire planet to our global human families, and all other creatures
and the lands, and bodies of water, the air be breathe, and all other inanimate
entities, power and presence to ALL of us, as we each travel with our own stories,
remembering everything else plays a role in how those stories are experienced
and unfolds, revealing elements from past memories, present events, and with
hope for a better healthier future!
Good Blessings…and thank you, in the deepest way possible!
Aum
ALL CHILDREN have the potential for complex and competent thinking skills.
They grow up in families who have nurtured and educated them with experiences
and knowledge based on their personal and individual upbringing.
Every child is entitled to feel safe, a sense of belonging and valued, in the learning
environment presented to them for development and growth in all areas of life.
When we recognize children as worthy members of society and our future for building
a better world, we are more likely to provide opportunities that reflect our care and importance
for their wellness, health, creative curiosities, abilities and skill building to live fairly and inclusively in a diverse world.
The examples children see, hear touch, taste, feel, is what they will learn most from, so if we are going to
show up for them, show up with that in mind!