For who ? For ourselves. Did we do something, some ritual that affirmed our faith today ? In what ? In ourselves. Our ability to connect with our inner selves. For if we do not, who is this person that is working, loving, talking etc. It’s certainly not you.
It’s an everyday search for me. For that something that can put me in touch with myself. My connection to consciousness. My connection to loving nature.
Of course many people have faith. Which is a wonderful ability. I don’t have blind faith. I am more of a searcher. Questioner. Good, bad ? I don’t know. No value judgements on any faith or the question of faith. Or on myself.
Some people do it with meditation first thing in the morning. I have never been able to do that. I have to connect to something, however small, however little, to loose my sense of individuality. That’s the daily struggle. Against my own exaggarated sense of myself. I am so used to it. I have relied on it for so many years. So tough to let go now. Not that I have never questioned it before. But now, it is really important for me to be truly ‘active’ rather than ‘reactive’, which is what I have done most of my life. And how do I know what that ‘true’ action is ? Unless I am constantly in touch with something larger, more immense, more universal than myself ?
Yes I know. By letting go. By allowing yourself not to be addicted to the result of your action. By allowing chaos to invade your life. Yes, I agree. All of that. I do allow chaos to prevade in my life. I am impeteous (spelling). But then the individual in me fights back hard.
It’s an everyday battle. This battle to let go of one’s addiction to one’s sense of individuality.
Yet, the smallest of things can provoke the sensing of my flowing into something much much larger. Something infinite.
This morning it was my 5 year old daughter waking me up with a loud ‘Peekaboo’ and the tinkling of an early morning laugh.
Sometimes it;s just getting up early enough to watch the first shades of dark blue brush across the sky. Something deeply stirring about that.
Sometimes it’s unexpected gestures of affection that were not sought. Or given so instinctually that you were not aware of them.
Sometimes, it’s writing a poem. But only if the words are coming from somewhere else. As if something is flowing through you, a river of emotion you can physically feel that flows through your being.
But it is always so unexpected. So much that I am constantly aware now. My senses hightened. Waiting for that unexpected moment.
When something deeper will reach out and engulf me, and give my life, and all my actions, however small, a deeper and all encompassing context. On a daily basis.
So say a prayer for me. And for yourself.
Shekhar
advocating for what is true fair just
aum
finding balance in an extreme storm of happenings…
quite the adventure
aum
archery
the bow
the arrow
swift as its stretch the other way
pulled to release upon the elements of air wind currents
aimed to a point
met when all aligns from the intended to the targeted spot
oh how this dance between the archer bow arrow speed
a tight attachment achieved by it’s surrender to away distance
from that which once was held
archery
the sails are full of breeze and direction
the adventure awaits
tally ho
no thing to see here yet…
one must now sign up to the account of twitter in order to see Shekhar’s Posts
hmmm…
aum
As with most of your posts, Shekharji, this stirred my heart and felt the tears too…
“But also with musicians like Nusrat fateh Ali Khan and A R Rahman. With Nusrat most of the communication was done by him looking into my eyes and singing with tears flowing from both our eyes, having been transported to a realm higher than ourselves. I have been blessed by moments when such people that have trusted and loved me too.”
-Shekhar Kapur
off the shores of uncertainty…we dive into ourselves
to find what had been there all along able to be seen now through… presence
if ever there was an effervescent night
pouring with thunderous skies
opened up in tears of sorrow
to the grieving loss of such a companion
a hearts’ leap of faith
silenced by hurt and despair
beyond words
on this paper
oh beloved
you remain
still in love and memories
at long last
for all time to come
to love oneself
what is to love?
if everything is all connected
then
to love oneself
perhaps
is to love everything?