So did we say a prayer today ?

For who ? For ourselves. Did we do something, some ritual that affirmed our faith today ? In what ? In ourselves. Our ability to connect with our inner selves. For if we do not, who is this person that is working, loving, talking etc. It’s certainly not you.

It’s an everyday search for me. For that something that can put me in touch with myself. My connection to consciousness. My connection to loving nature.
Of course many people have faith. Which is a wonderful ability. I don’t have blind faith. I am more of a searcher. Questioner. Good, bad ? I don’t know. No value judgements on any faith or the question of faith. Or on myself.
Some people do it with meditation first thing in the morning. I have never been able to do that. I have to connect to something, however small, however little, to loose my sense of individuality. That’s the daily struggle. Against my own exaggarated sense of myself. I am so used to it. I have relied on it for so many years. So tough to let go now. Not that I have never questioned it before. But now, it is really important for me to be truly ‘active’ rather than ‘reactive’, which is what I have done most of my life. And how do I know what that ‘true’ action is ? Unless I am constantly in touch with something larger, more immense, more universal than myself ?
Yes I know. By letting go. By allowing yourself not to be addicted to the result of your action. By allowing chaos to invade your life. Yes, I agree. All of that. I do allow chaos to prevade in my life. I am impeteous (spelling). But then the individual in me fights back hard.
It’s an everyday battle. This battle to let go of one’s addiction to one’s sense of individuality.
Yet, the smallest of things can provoke the sensing of my flowing into something much much larger. Something infinite.
This morning it was my 5 year old daughter waking me up with a loud ‘Peekaboo’ and the tinkling of an early morning laugh.
Sometimes it;s just getting up early enough to watch the first shades of dark blue brush across the sky. Something deeply stirring about that.
Sometimes it’s unexpected gestures of affection that were not sought. Or given so instinctually that you were not aware of them.
Sometimes, it’s writing a poem. But only if the words are coming from somewhere else. As if something is flowing through you, a river of emotion you can physically feel that flows through your being.
But it is always so unexpected. So much that I am constantly aware now. My senses hightened. Waiting for that unexpected moment.
When something deeper will reach out and engulf me, and give my life, and all my actions, however small, a deeper and all encompassing context. On a daily basis.
So say a prayer for me. And for yourself.

1,509 thoughts on “So did we say a prayer today ?

  1. archery

    the bow
    the arrow
    swift as its stretch the other way
    pulled to release upon the elements of air wind currents
    aimed to a point
    met when all aligns from the intended to the targeted spot

    oh how this dance between the archer bow arrow speed
    a tight attachment achieved by it’s surrender to away distance
    from that which once was held


  2. no thing to see here yet…
    one must now sign up to the account of twitter in order to see Shekhar’s Posts

  3. As with most of your posts, Shekharji, this stirred my heart and felt the tears too…

    “But also with musicians like Nusrat fateh Ali Khan and A R Rahman. With Nusrat most of the communication was done by him looking into my eyes and singing with tears flowing from both our eyes, having been transported to a realm higher than ourselves. I have been blessed by moments when such people that have trusted and loved me too.”
    -Shekhar Kapur

  4. off the shores of uncertainty…we dive into ourselves
    to find what had been there all along able to be seen now through… presence

  5. if ever there was an effervescent night
    pouring with thunderous skies
    opened up in tears of sorrow
    to the grieving loss of such a companion

    a hearts’ leap of faith
    silenced by hurt and despair
    beyond words
    on this paper

    oh beloved
    you remain
    still in love and memories
    at long last
    for all time to come

  6. to love oneself

    what is to love?

    if everything is all connected


    to love oneself


    is to love everything?

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