where lies my true self ?
am I a creature of my psychology
or does my deepest self lie
in the burning fires
of my mythology ?
so bold and so gripping
that every feeling, every act
lies in the imagined stories
of God’s and Goddesses
of demons and of angels
of the impossible dance of shiva
of the the cruxifiction of christ
of the contradictions between the eternity of the universe
where everything is and is not
all at the same time
of the questions between illusory and the real ?
where do I find completeness ?
where do i delve to find answers
even to everyday life
am I trapped in the arrogance of intellectuality
am I trapped by the cages of fear
created by by my own mind
why do i struggle everyday
between my psychology
and mythology ?
why can I not take flight
into a realm that is impossible
do I exist in the impossible ?
and if so, why do I not see it all the time
why am In so blind ?
that the universality of my existence
is an argument I must have
with myself everyday ?
why am i not able
to plunge headlong into the unknown adventure ?
why am I not
able to plunge my psychology into mythology
why am I so stuck in an argument
between words that I said yesterday
and the words that come out today
why am i stuck in meaning ?
when there is no meaning to anything
yet in giving up meaning
is the gate way to understanding
why must I make sense of words that I write anyway ?
Dear Shekhar,
These are words that truly describe you and I can see that that they have come from your heart and even though they do make sense, they don’t have to, as you are just venturing into the difficult realm of understanding things that are near impossible to understand. There are no direct answers but with enough dedicated thought of self-discovery we can definitely find some joy and understanding. Some valuable quotes on this spiritual quest of understanding onself can help us here:
Who you are is this “motion of seeing” that is looking through your eyes right now. When you stop at and as this “motion of aliveness” – by consciously refocusing your attention to this seer; by coming to being deeply at rest at and as this one that is the “you” that you can never get away from; by no longer furthering out from this “you” and into the attempt to try and be something that is notyou; you are immediately freed from who you think you are in every given moment of this realization.
Elysha – Source: http://www.elysha.org
Not thinking about anything is zen. Once you know this, walking, standing, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is zen. To know that the mind is empty is to see the buddha. . . . Using the mind to reality is delusion. Not using the mind to look for reality is awareness. Freeing oneself from words is liberation.
Bodhidharma (c. 440 AD – 528 AD)
Source: The Zen Teaching of Bodhidharma, p. 49
I mentioned this quote before and it really is worth mentioning here:
For after all what is man in nature? A nothing in relation to infinity, all in relation to nothing, a central point between nothing and all and infinitely far from understanding either. The ends of things and their beginnings are impregnably concealed from him in an impenetrable secret. He is equally incapable of seeing the nothingness out of which he was drawn and the infinite in which he is engulfed.
Blaise Pascal (1623 – 1662)
Best Regards,
Himanshu
we all fight the war between real and illusion in this lifetime. i guess it depends what you wish to choose between life and time.
though we love to see life and time together.
time always played against life as rock against feather.
time tells life “do things for better tomorrow”, as it defends
but tomorrow is an illusion, as time always wins and life ends
we know it will end, but we still move on and pretend
time has a good laugh, as life moves on towards descend
it’s time that’s real and this life is an illusion. live every moment to the fullest.
MMm Subeh subeh kya par rahi hu Shekhar….OooH!!
Chaliye sahab aapko saath deti hu,iss pagalpan meh loool…
Im not an angel, nor a divine power…
Dreams in me, nature does shower…
Ah! All I know,when I lift that veil…
My truth in me is what I feel real…
That could be a never ending illusion…
My reality, proclaimed as disillusion…
When ye see as disillusion, tis psychology…
Wisdom takes its turn,tis then mythology…
Our journey from birth to death possible…
Oh! tell me why not dream of impossible?
When ye reach for the shimmering stars…
We would fall, pinned with bright scars…
Our token of love to us on birth was fears….
In this journey fighting we are with tears…
No more do i need that power of wisdom…
That hath come with pain, need freedom…
Through test of time, we stood so bold…
When we pine, who is there to hold?
We question ourselves tis intelligence…
Over ride our heart beat tis negligence…
Tired I am of this world, proving myself…
I see thee in the same journey thyself…
Will dare to defy intelligence, wisdom…
Yes complete I would be in my Kingdom!!
If it shall be,I will believe,so shall it be…
If not to be, will not give up cant ye see…
Will break all chains, dare to fly free…
Ha! Will not make sense, let all be!!!
Ab ek hug bhi le …leh aap!!!
Ab dekho ek smile ayegi…
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.
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Dq
hey………if you really ‘LIVE IN THE MOMENT’, then ALL OF THE EXPRESSED CHAOS……does’nt exist…….you travel light….no need for flight ! you express yourself innocently….whether in words or love…..no gods or demons…..coz they were yesterday…..and you were’nt there remember :)you are here only ‘IN THIS MOMENT’ so what mythology……what psychology…( heavy words in themselves )……..so much baggage !
the ONLY GOD is the light within……..which is strong enough to lighten your burden……light your path (if you allow it and not try to outshine it ! )
‘why can i not take flight into a realm that is impossible’……..because YOU CALL IT IMPOSSIBLE! how can you possibly do something you’ve decided is impossible ?
‘am i trapped by the cages of fear created by my own mind’…….yes, in the moment where you felt it……but not neccesarily in the next one !
lighten up shekhar…..! the only ‘completeness’ you will feel is in the moments where you LAUGH at yourself inspite of yourself……and live naturally instead of bottling up so much.
‘why am i so stuck in an argument between words i said yesterday and words that come out today’ ………..
‘why must i make sense of the words i write anyway’……..
know what……..? words are just an application in life.we use them for a purpose……..most times it is to strengthen bonds with the people we think of as positives in our life.often we go along with the humour , anguish ,bullshit , seriousness or even pranks and ridiculous madness in the chain of thoughts being expressed to us so that the other person is HAPPY at the end of the conversation and your bond is strengthened as the outcome of it………so long as your words come from love or care for the other person you remain happy too !
however…….if your words come from DOUBT (either self or mistrust in the other person)or FRUSTRATION (your own for which the other person may not be responsible !) or an attack on the other person to make yourself feel better or HATRED (that is lying locked up within you for lack of spring cleaning! ) …then BIG TROUBLE !
isnt that why they say ‘ the words you USE’ ? ………by themselves what are they ? it is our MIND or HEART that gives them life !
Dear Shekhar,
it is so evident that you are a great seeker who is unwilling to accept answers that are all too smooth and all too polished and are steeped in the established mantras of the day. You don’t shy away from doubting yourself and to pose the existential questions what your life’s purpose really is. Success, fame and riches are only fleeting episodes in this ongoing epic journey through this vast sea of mystique, self-delusion and compulsive repetitions to the enticing shores of contentment and redemption. You have the courage to passionately repudiate an insight today that only yesterday may have appeared to you as an incontrovertible truth. To do this requires a mind that is constantly probing into the depth of the human existence. I believe you have arrived already on a spiritual plane that is accessible only to the few who have been able to hear the ancient voices or even the voice of the ancient one. This is a state of mind that has to be fought for in the daily battles of self-doubt on the big expanse of compassionate understanding for the less fortunate ones among us. I see a gentleness and goodness in you that is endearing, that makes me feel privileged to be part of your challenging and wonderful blog. There are quite a few kindred souls who regularly respond to you and who I salute via this post, most notably Himanshu.
Kind regards,
Horst
…my daughter says “it’s both”
Great thoughts Shekhar Bhaiyya…
Sometimes I ask some of aforesaid myself..
Sometimes I too go though that process (though not clear as you) and question …
Some of my thoughts are weird…
mythology & psychology are vast but I guess they are only means to realise material self not true self
When I imagine solitary moments what Mohammed or Buddha went through, they were or might be the same stage of your aforesaid thought but, they went away from society and removed “knots”.
If they wanted to cry their lungs out, they would cry till the last tear went by without ever bothering any one saw them in jungles or when they want to laugh, they would laugh with equal intensity. Something which normal humans cannot do as we always are surrounded by people and civilization and society.
Krishna was extroverted in human form, Jesus Christ was extroverted after his “knots” removal he became introverted…”Neti Neti”. Buddha was Introverted but after realization we find him speaking all the time for years and years to come “Aham Bhramsami”
If introverted person is stuck in meanings and yet goes further, (s)he would go to zero (shunyatita) and that would merge into true consciousness or true self. If extroverted person is stuck in meanings (s)he would hug all the world as his own…
But problem is no body in this world is completly introverted or completly extroverted.