I saw an ant

I saw an ant
walking through the grass
and I felt the breeze
going past my cheek
and I thought
inside you ,
carry the courage
of many lifetimes
but do not believe it
for you have not looked inside
but if you do
you will find an immensity
so enormous
that it will frighten you
you thought you were
just a person
searching for a life
who are not even an individual
but far far more
so much more
that it is terrifying
for you are all
that is good and evil both
that ever existed
and will ever exist
and when u delve
into that immensity
the demons of your own mind
will leap out at you
their fire will threaten to burn you
they will snarl
and frighten you
terrify you
till u run back
into the world of logic
the world of comfort
and reason
where you will be able to define yourself
and confine yourself
to something you can measure
to some one you can measure
but your demons
are afraid too
afraid that you may confront them
afraid that you may find the courage
afraid that you may take them on
afraid that you may become fearless
afraid that you may walk past them
and see that they were the great illusion
of your own mind
a mind that is trying to swindle you
trying to fool you
trying to create a vast spell on you
to make you believe
that you are measurable
but when u walk past the demons
and laugh at them
and watch them melt away
you will explode into spirit
you will suddenly
in that instant see
the immensity that you are
and then
you will be the ant
and the breeze
and everything that was
and every thing that will be
in that one moment
will be eternal
as will be the ant
and the blade of grass
and the breeze
and the setting sun
6:39 AM

16 thoughts on “I saw an ant

  1. Dear Shekhar:
    The ant in your poem is the allegory for a state of mind that for one nanosecond has transcended the myriad of thought processes the human brain is engulfed in, incessantly, maddeningly. These thoughts swirl around in a stew of incongruity and yet there are flashes of clarity, when the concept of an existence without a beginning or an end suddenly takes on the shape of logic only to dissipate again as though it was only a surreal dream. The demarcation line between sane and insane often becomes blurred, unrecognizable, beyond the grasp of scrutiny. In fact there is no clear, all encompassing interpretation as to what the human mind thinks is rational thought or a flight of fancy, detached from the constraining strings of the conventional.
    There is an eternal cycle of elation and defeat, of these wild, ecstatic moments of recognition of the seemingly undecipherable that are followed by crushing phases of doubt, dejection and hopelessness about the moments when an ant is just an ant.
    I can relate to your confrontations with your demons for I have run from them only to be reined in again, to be questioned in this eternal inner dialogue about my willingness to co-exist with them, to celebrate the rare victories for having left them behind, knowing well that they would circle the wagon ready to pounce when aberrant thoughts have weakened my defense mechanisms.
    I rise in the morning, ready to confront, to doubt, to learn and to see, and to engage the two hemispheres of my brain in a conversation that will never quite conclude in a consensus, rather in a truce, knowing that there will be a debate that forevermore will challenge the probity of their positions, over and over.
    I believe that the small victories of success in our lives play a role in keeping us reasonably content but it is the willingness to expand our thoughts into the realm of the inconclusive, the illogical, the intuitive, the instinctive, that gives true meaning to our existence and fills us with a joy that words inadequately can describe.
    With kind regards.

  2. I feel everything
    understand everything
    maybe nothing
    but sure do feel this pain,
    what pain
    which pain
    when pain
    pain is pain
    the agony is me
    the solution me
    it wont let be!
    Oh! Lord it won’t let be!
    hiya Shekhar…
    dang!! sure need a hug

  3. shekhar, thanks so much for this. was about to hit the bed and just thought i will check yr website, and you have compelled me to write a few words….thank you for bringing out the poet (only just, aspiring, unconvincing) in me….
    my demons scare me
    my demons can strangle me
    they have a hold on me
    they control me,
    and my actions
    my aspirations
    my relationships,
    or the lack of them all….
    but wait,
    what is it i hear?
    a soft voice, a warm caring voice…
    it beats between my breast
    it knows me, and my beasts
    it is constant, it is honest
    unwavering, temperate, firm and modest
    but why do i always ignore it
    and then regret and shed tears
    is it beacuse i doubt it
    or is it because i love my demons too much
    (and they know how to allure me,)….
    ….maybe i should be just silent
    and surrender
    just surrender
    to the voice within
    the voice of god
    the voice in us all
    the same voice
    which says the same things
    to each one of us
    and then the demons will vanish
    and i will be like the ant
    or like the breeze
    or like the blade of grass
    or like the setting sun
    all embracing, all encompassing
    i exist in this turmoil
    because i have ignored both my demons
    and the voice within

  4. Gosh!
    Can the devil be ignored and one can make the devil feel ‘unwanted guest’…
    if so…the ant looks up…sees a rock as mountain…and then…if one can make the devils supremly uncomfortable, they leave you…then you become an eagle…and when a eagle fly’s above a mountain…a mountain will look like a small rock!

  5. Half Battle is won on acknowledging the Devil. Sometimes the toughest thing in life is to forgive the devil within you.

  6. Really inspiring, and like all your poems, the essence gets conveyed so easily. Something that someone can read in times of trouble and in times when one doubts oneself.
    Thanks a ton for this one

  7. Did you write this during the thought process of The golden age?
    It’s just that i’ve heard you talk of Elizabeths longing and overwhelming contrast of finite and infinite, which was poetic in itself.
    This poem reminds me very much that. Also heard you talk of the colour blue within costume design…. absolutely agree with you.
    I loved the atmmosphere you created, the cool and the warmth, the shadows in contrast with the “devine” light. All so subtle but overwhelming at the same time.
    Thank you.

  8. Thanks known stranger. You touched my life in a simple but strong way. Thanks again.

  9. Every time I read this, it is seeping in deeper. I am living with shadows in my mind and when it takes a lot confront them. Some days when they win, I am unable to love and see the love for me. I take recourse to this poem then… Thanks again..

  10. Deep!!… Inspiring, beautifully crafted. Love to read.
    Measurable leads to control – finite. Self-doubt that blinds our own potential. The devil pulls the strings which makes us dance… sometimes the toughest to do. The spiritual battlefield is infinitely greater than the physical one.
    When the music album is coming Shekharji. Would love to get it when it comes. Love your poems and your voice!

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