Pallavi asks : why does (love) have to be irrational and like a drug induced high…. all grand and emphasised through every action and thought… why cant it be allowed to be a little passive… to be allowed to wane a bit at times…. how much energy can be expected from one source and one source only…why cant you just like someone you love sometimes without wanting to jump them and get into their heads…. without expecting them to fire you up everytime without fail…. why does it have to be fireworks… and how sustainable is that kind of effect…
Hey Pallavi, how well you have written this, and how searing your words are. Who amongst us have not felt this, so all I can say is :
Welcome, Pallavi to the chaos of love. Welcome to the letting go of structure. Welcome to self discovery, where the other person is an object of absolute obsession, only because the that person is your conduit to the Divine. Welcome to letting go of the illusion of structure and extreme individuality, which we assume is normalcy, welcome to your consciousness reverberating through the ‘love induced high’ calling you to itself. Welcome to glimpses of Eternity.
Welcome also to the fear of letting go. Welcome to the pain of possibe loss. Welcome then, to the anguish of the loss of connection to your eternal self, if that love does leaves you. What are you really afraid of, the loss of the individual or the loss of your glimpses into your internal self.
Why this particular individual ? Is that person part of your Karmic growth ? Was there a reason that person entered your life ? Is your soul looking to resolve something ?
How sustainable ? The answer lies in your Ego. How much of the fear of loss has to do with the Ego. How comfortable are you with the letting go of control. How easily can you accept that the Chaos you feel is the reality and control and ‘normalcy’ is the illusion.
Tough, tough, Pallavi. I know. To find a high, and then sublimate it beyond obsession for one individual and seek something far greater.
We are after all, only human.