Trying to listen to myself

Film making is so much now about fitting a square peg (a script) into a round hole (a schedule and a budget), that so much of my time on Golden Age gets taken up with production meetings, budget meetings, schedule meetings etc etc. Time now to shut my ears to the organizational noise and listen to myslelf. Get back in touch with myself.

It alsmost makes me feel that the bussiness and organization of the film takes precedence over the creative. But I also know how absolutely neccesary it is. For the last few months we have been planning, budgetting and writing, and then re writing, re budgetting and re planning. I am now two weeks away from the shoot and we are still re-writing,re- budgetting and re-planning !
But something strange has happened to me. A scalm has descended on me. I have switched off from the planning and given into the unknown. At the last production meeting I found myself laughing and smiling, while in all the previous ones I was fretting and exasperated.
Why ? Because I have pushed myslef over the cliff now. I am in the middle of the stormy choppy seas. will I survive ? Will I sink ? Who knows, but now I have to swim like hell !
And therefore the calm. Now what will be will be.
Now is the time not to listen to the financial or the production noise, but to the voice in my own heart. I need to try and listen to myself.
Ofcourse a large part of this has been caused by the arrival in London of Cate Blanchette and Abbie Cornish. The film comes alive when u meet actors. I always have seen actors, especially of the calibre of Cate and Abbie (even though she is new) as collaborators in our joureny to self discovery.
I will write later about Abbie, but Cate also has such a searching soul, matched by a razor sharp intellect and a facility over her physicality that lends her to be such an amazing actress. We have had such great conversations on the meaning of the film, the ideas behind the lines and plots. I think we have both grown through parenthood, and both are searching for life in deeper more meaningful ways. How wonderful if we could bring all that subtext to the screen,
we shall see

7 thoughts on “Trying to listen to myself

  1. Defense mechanisms have a way of finding the “you” in order to rescue oneself. This has happened to me in class, all these little creative minds moving around, discovering, tasting, smelling and touching…pushing, pulling, kicking, hitting and all the rest. There seems to be such a scramble for “first place” in line, for snack, to listen to stories, take attandance to the office, play dough etc…and when the crying starts it spreads like wildfire! Sometimes I stop myself in the middle of it all and just LAUGH! It feels GREAT to laugh in the middle of all that chaos, letting go of trying to make everything run smoothly and “witness” the movements of the moment.
    Sounds like you and Cate have a deep bond Shekhar, makes it all the more meaningful to be able to work together…I’m sure we will see some of that bonding on screen.
    Two weeks to shooting…You WILL make it!

  2. dear shekhar,
    i can only imagine what kind of chaos u r steeped in at this moment and will continue to be engulfed by over the period of making the film…
    the knowledge that this chaos is born out of u… u r the glowing center… the event horizon… the cosmic egg that has generated this small big bang and the universe called ‘the golden age’… to put it in street language… it is ur itch that is causing the contagious scratching… does not make it any easier to face the day in day out deliberations…
    when i shoot promos as part of my company – PIXEL JUICE – i am making 30 – 90 seconder films… but even then, managing the logistics and the operations sap out every single drop of energy leaving with very little scope for creativity to come into play in the run-up to the shoot… during this time, all creativity is employed in manipulating the finances and negotiating the best arrangements possible… at times, it all seems so daunting… but then, as the demands on physical and mental function cross the elastic limit… i find myself going into a zone… where there is absolute equanimity… only the task at hand is in focus… and the body and mind are in tune with what is expected of them…
    the yogis called it ‘tandri’… a state of fervor… i call it ‘autopilot’… modern psychology calls it being ‘in the zone’… i guess, u have entered ‘the zone’ now… and nothing else matters to u at this stage… u have tuned ur senses to the accomplishment of the tasks… and u know u will attain ur goals on ‘autopilot’…
    u have flown from safety and taken the plunge… inshallah, everything will work just right… u have the support of an excellent team and a wonderful set of actors… god willing, ‘the golden age’ will distill ur vision in acetate and a year down the line, u will walk the red carpet… enter a hall… and as the lights dim, the projector flickers on and the sprockets spin a yarn to unspool a magical weave of light and imagination… u would see the images that were till a year ago trapped on the screen of your mind and screaming to be released, projected on that canvass sheet. u may hear urself mutter – gosh, how did i manage that… and then smile when the blank mind responds… how the heck do i know?! but damn, it was worth it…
    till then, keep swimming…

  3. Shekhar,
    Is it necessary to push oneself over the cliff, in order to feel the calm. Or is it that this is the easiest of ways, where in the only escape route is survival (ref: but now I have to swim like hell)
    I often wonder if we could have that kind of control over ourselves to find and resort to the calm within? or is it that the restlessness is required for greater accomplishments? or is it that, finding calm without challenges is a more difficult choice?

  4. To you, not to obsess about but to enjoy …
    Not to be published, but I think it is best to start any story from the beginning to the end.
    For everyone’s enjoyment in the process.
    Shooting scenes out of sink ?

  5. hi. my name is sirali. i am a second year BMM student. i am doing a project on shekhar kapurs direction techniques. i spoke with ridwana but she was unable to guide me, and you were out of town. could you please shed some light on the same and how you go about deciding the music and the composers for your movies. i have been through the site but i could not find references for the same. hoping to hear from you at your earliest.
    thank you
    sirali popat

  6. hiii sir i m agnesh, can u give me some short flim script to make one short flim pls send me fast n i m from mumbai i lov acting if u want i can act in ur short flims if u can help me about any thing that can make my life bright then pls help me

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.