At 22, was an accountant in London long before I dreamt of bieng a film-maker ..
I was successful. But uncomfortable.
I remember strongly feeling the chasm between what I did and who I was. The young man at play (those were the swinging 70’s don’t forget), and the one at work were two completely different people. With almost a schizophrenic relationship with each other.
So I left accounting in search for a way to overcome that duality.
On the way I have been a model, an actor, a chat show host both in India and the UK, a commercials film maker both in India and Europe, and a film director, also in India and internationally. I also ran an entertainment TV channel, and was for a while a scuba diving instructor.
To find a way define every moment of my waking life as one complete whole, rather than one that is structured into different compartments. One complete emotional all encompassing feeling that embodied everything I did,felt and thought. I just wanted to express myself completely in everything that I did.
The journey turned out much much longer than I thought. It continues to this day. Because the duality existed not merely between work and play, but within work and play.
But on the way, I started to understand some things.
That the words ‘truth’, ‘love’ and ‘compassion’ took on different meanings from those boring idealistic interpretations that were rammed down our throats when we were kids.
There was power,I later discovered, in these concepts. The power to hold everything together. Like falling in love, I discovered.
All structures fall apart in the throes of the first passions of love. All duality dissapeared. Everything emcompassed by that one emotion. Bieng in the throes of love, even life and death encompassed by that one emotion.
Whenever I fell deeply in love, I lived the moment completely. That’s what I realized it was all about. I felt a surge of courage I had not felt before. With that courage came such incredible fullfilment of that moment, thatI did not fear the next. Death too, at that time became acceptable. My ‘cup of love’ as they say, would be full.
But how does on stay in love all the time ? How does one continue this passion all the time ? If the love was derived from one singular person you could wreak havoc on their lives. I have done that before. And my own too. For I had not (atleast not at that time) learnt to ‘let go’ in love. I had not learnt that the attempt for permanence would utimately kill passion. That love was so much greater when lived in a womb of freedom. That there could no ‘ownership’ in love.
Thats where I began to understand the concepts of Meera’s obsession for Krishna. There was no desire on Meera’s part to have a singular relationship with Krishna. Or the Poetry of Rumi and his obsession for his friend. I discovered the difference between Obsession and Ownership. By directing all your passions to an imagined universal force, you could go on deriving from it. Forever. As long as you realized that the obsession for other person was only your conduit to the universe. To yourself.
And then u could continue to exist in that state of creative passion. I began to understand the concept of Prasadam. Where everything you create, you are merely the conduit. Everything you own, is merely an offering that is never complete. At a function in New York where I was awarded the critics award for Best Director, I said from the bottom of my heart :
” I did not direct the film. I am learning not to direct my films. I am learnng that I am merely the gardener. The garden grows. The sun shines. The rains come. The seeds sprout. the flowers bloom. And I watch. Having been the conduit through which the seeds were planted, I merely encompass the garden with love. In return the garden encompasses me with love. And together, we watch in wonder at the creation of the Universe’s bounty”
I am learning the power of not imposing. I am learning the power throwing everything to the moment. I understand that is what the concept of Prasadam means.
and gradually, in this path, I try and let the duality, my individuality melt away. Will I suceed ?
Well, isn’t that question once again reaffirming my individuality though ? Who is that ‘I’ that wants to suceed.
63 thoughts on “About Myself”
Hope you and the family are well.
Thought of you when I saw Slumdog, and our conversations driving through Bombay.
Sue is well,and my son graduates this May in economics.
When you come to NY lets get together. We live in the Hudson Valley – north of the city.
I enjoyed your blog/website – well done.
I am an aspiring chartered accountant, appearing for my finals in June ’09 and doing my articleship (internship) with Deloitte in Ahmedabad. I have always loved writing and wanted a career which gave me creative freedom – but looks like facts and figures are something which I’ll have to live with for now! ðŸ™‚
When my Dad, or anyone else for that matter argue with me that I have conflicting career goals, I always give them your example – that he’s a chartered accountant and a great film maker! ðŸ™‚
I’m not sure if you still read these comments.. but I really like you as a film maker! ðŸ™‚ And trust me, you do inspire many people like me who are Accountants/Accountants in progress to please our parents! ðŸ™‚
hiiiiii its nice tht u followed ur passions n did wht u felt to do
Dear Shekar, good evening from Italy, simply i need to know if there’s any address where i can send you my cinematographic theme. Thank you, your fan Marina.
You are one of my source of inspirations…you must make “Buddha” who else can better do it then you:)
May i share one of my compositions with you…
Nothing Dies Here!!!
Flowing in wind,
That once I was wind!
Enlightening in fire,
That once I was fire!
Grounding in Earth,
Memoirs take birth,
That once I was Earth!
Floating in water,
That once I was water!
Expanding in the sky,
That once I was sky!
Feeling explodes memories,
Memoirs implodes eternal Being,
Enlightenment evaporates worries!
Thoughts and Feelings are subtler bodies,
Bodies are gross thoughts and feelings,
Just invoke, they are all around, goodies or baddies!
No person is new, I feel I met him before,
No place is new, I feel I been here before,
This presence, silence, consciousness is ever fresh as before!
Am realized now,
That not only once I was elements,
But always…had forgotten somehow!
Me, You, They…the division drops,
Like we all are fish in one ocean,
And from this ocean only compassion crops!
But who is this Knower?
Knower has to be separate from the Known,
So, am just pristine and eternal Watcher!
But Watcher indicates some Doing,
And this Doing is also Watched,
So, am just Being!
Knower and Known is one here,
Transforms but Indestructible,
So Nothing Dies Here !!!
Thank You !!!
Date : 01st March 2007
Reality show on Indian Television now seems really real as you are one of the judges on the show called India got the talent. I love to watch you, your responses and the insights. Am touched when you were in tears while speaking with a small girl (in group dance) and the other day while the musical show presented by the mentally and physically challenged. Your comments and decisions are just divine. Am learning how the enightened behaves and see you so innocent, natural, being with the flow of life, unmasked, prestine….so true so compassionate. I eagerly wait for Saturday and Sunday evenings to watch you and your “enigma of enlightenment”.
Love and Regards,
i just waite for saturday to watch u.it gives me difft. kind of relaxation. i cant discribe. u r awesome and looks like and divine soul
I love the show, its great, but the best part is to see you, you are as innocent and spontaneous as a child. Something so rare to find. At the same so intellectual, what you said about pasision that brings tears in your eyes! All shows seemed so scripted, fake, but this one is so real and makes one feel so good! Hope the format remains the same and does not end up in public voting, which could become disasterous.
Your post here (nov 2005) is beautiful, But do you still feel the same about love?
how can one stay in love all the time you asked, Do you think love is any momentary feeling? To me love is something eternal, its always there, just that we oversee it. If its love it never dies, never becomes less, it can just grow, can just spread happiness…. not pain as u felt in 2005, Its the force one puts to possess love, to hold tight, given enormous pain. If love flows, all efforts to hold it can only bring pain and misery. What do you feel?? love is like water, needed for survival, but if you are forced into it it kills you….
shall i still wish you love?
prayers love and peace
Till recent past I didn’t knew much about you. I am qute happy to see u on India’s got the Talent. I really admire u & I’m very impressed by your simplicity. U really enjoy the show & I enjoy the show as well as your impartial comments on the partcipants. This is really good way of bringing new talents. I wish this program a grand success & wish you a healthy life.
There are valuable lessons to learn from everyone’s comments here. I feel too young to be true. One thing I hope is that someday I get to meet you in person, Shekhar.
I ended up in Alaska by accident but the peace I get in this small little town appears abundant for now. But then, I have this feeling that thoughts change at the speed of light. A famous saying – nothing is eternal.
SIR WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT PLAY IN WHICH YOU & MR. VINOD NAGPAL ACTED AS YAKSH
Interesting I’ve stumbled by this blog a few times in the last week. Perhaps I’ll save the post?
Well I am half the age of yours. But I feel/felt the same as you had felt and still struggling to let go . But I couldnt understand how to let go by directing it to some imaginary universal force. How can you direct the feelings from a person to an imaginary universal force without any hard feelings for the individual.
May be I still have to complete the journey you had undergone love-ecstasy-pain-grief-detachment. May be I am stuck.