To love till it hurts ? : By Eshla

LOVE:

It’s that time of the year when everyone remembers their so-called “loved ones.” They equip them with mementos, gifts, christmas parties – all in celebration of their love for one another. But, it’s only fleeting. Just a few weeks of joy, mirth, and gaiety.

But isn’t love a bit more?

Love is to let go, I’ve been told. Love is to let be, I’ve been told. Love is to endure hardships, I’ve been told. But, if there is so much angst and heartache, then why do we choose to love? Or is that so few love to this extent?

There is the famous saying by Mother Theresa that if you love until it hurts, it doesn’t hurt anymore, for it’s there only that you find more love.

But do we really retain the capacity to love to that depth? We’re a generation and a world clogged by the daily clutter of life, the daily “busyiness” of life, that our love only seems to surface when we can accommodate it or when an emergency strikes. If we are such rational creatures, driven by schedules, real-world demands, and the practicalities of life, do we have space for such raw emotion?

Is it naive to think that love of such a nature still exists?

Love has been captured in great epic novels, in larger-than-life cinema, in the intensity of celebrated paintings, but is it still there, lingering somewhere in the mundane corners of life now? Do we still have the patience to wait, like the great heroes of these stories, to endure – for the one we love?

But what is the reward in loving to this extent? An old chinese saying says that it’s in being deeply loved that we find strength, and it’s in loving someone deeply you find courage. It’s a paradox in many ways -you love to find comfort and support, but to love is to take a leap of faith.

Perhaps it’s idealistic, immature, romantic, escapist to believe that love of such grandeur still exists. But, then I wonder, if it doesn’t, is our purpose in life merely to fulfil a series of endless tasks, that too on a daily basis. Then what satisfaction do we get? Maybe I’m flawed. Maybe I don’t find that satisfaction anymore in the rationality of life, maybe I crave for emotions that are too risque to find in our modern, conservative society.

And yet, the hunger for love seems to be greater than the hunger for bread. I’m told repeatedly that are many unhappy wealthy people in the world – they found riches, but never unconditional love.

So does it still exist? That pure, simple love – the one that dwells in a man’s heart, deep in his soul, the one that makes him yearn for his loved one when she’s not there, the one that makes him stop in his day, and say something meaningful to her, the one that is celebrated everyday, not just on a holiday, the one that is not about convenience or comfort but a raw desire?

For me, I became passionate about writing because it was a means to express, a means to share with humanity your angers, frustrations, and galvanize change. It is a career built on love – it’s foolish to believe that you can ever fill your belly with that kind of writing. Words that are free, honest, brutal, and humble do not have a price. It’s only the words that are tailored, adjusted, accommodated for by other opinions that have a price. But then, they are no longer pure, raw, or unconditional.

Love is similar, for me. As I look ahead, I find myself at a crossroads – do I invest myself and my time in my so-called “work” or in love, in relationships with people that have depth? To answer the question, “So what do you want to do when you grow up?”

I want to love. I don’t know if I have the capacity to do so. I don’t know if I have the patience to do so. But I want to try.

For it’s only the few fleeting moments of love that have made me feel alive, have made me feel worthwhile, have helped me find peace. No check, no podium, no laurel, no honor has given me that feeling.

That’s why I’d like to believe, deep within my being, that life is designed to feel the complexities of love. Even if it’s old-fashioned. Even if it’s hard. Even if it’s not the norm today.

Because love is built on two, not one. And that’s what life is about – us, not me.

40 Responses to “To love till it hurts ? : By Eshla”

  1. Sytropin says:

    The pure, simple love … true. How many of US understand this?

  2. Tanmi Gold says:

    Simple, beautiful and crystal clear explanation of the much needed Love in today’s world.
    I loved it.

  3. sandeep rawat says:

    very nice sir.

  4. Geetanjali says:

    Not sure if the earlier comment was received as it showed an error message so a repeat with the recollect:-)
    Love is simple, just simple love. When people add too many adjectives around it, it becomes an obsession and gets complicated. Enjoy that feeling of simple love when it happens and forget the rest :-)

  5. Kedar says:

    Extraordinarily simply written truth! Couldn’t agree more!
    Thank you for a fresh start to Saturday! :)

  6. Alhad says:

    very thoughtful. i think one should not expect uncpnditional love from others, rather start loving to others unconditionally will surely end up in finding true love

  7. abhishek says:

    indeed hunger for love is greater than the hunger for bread.
    one of those posts which made me feel connected.
    Thanks
    :)

  8. Dr.Ramesh Bajania says:

    so,chemical changes in the brain makes one to love or love changes the composition of chemicals?!

  9. Sumana nag says:

    It can not b more perfect than this..Though its hard 2 find these deep emotions in people in general.

  10. Sheela Nandini says:

    I recall this quote of Swami Vivekananda:

    “No act of True Love brings pain”.

    Coming back to your beautiful post,can only confess that I can’t honestly answer that.There’s been great pain and that’s one emotion I don’t know what to do with.

    Curious about this line though: “But I want to try.” ??? You don’t TRY.Not with raw emotions like that! It takes you by storm that’s all.

    Love
    sheela

  11. kedar says:

    Eshla, Beautiful words! But love is a selfless state…until its attached to ‘something’ or ‘someone’, there is bound to be sense of losing it hence anger, frustration, jealousy, heartache. The moment one manages or learns just to be in love , the time stops! PRESENT! No past, No future! But present! Man-Woman love is the greatest opportunity to practice this! So best of luck! have a blast! cry, fight, shout, curse, be jealous, be angry, be frustrated but BE IN LOVE and everything else will automatically drop! lol…cheers…

  12. Harb says:

    Am in love with my grand-daughter aged 4 now! It hurts for I never missed anybody in my whole life of 64 years as her when I recently went to Delhi leaving her back. Understood the meaning of the words “Viakul hona” for the first time.

    It hurts when she wants me to wake up till she sleeps around 2.00 am at night lol. It hurts when she does not allow me to watch TV and either switches off or wants to see her own Chhota Bheem and all that. It hurts when she does not allow me to write on computer and wants to dress up Barbie Dolls with me watching. But yet all these hurts seem nothing compared to what she also gives with just being with me. Never thot one wud get such love after one’s youth.

  13. suneet says:

    when life looks so smooth like a flowing river, when the pure emotions takes you to the world where you can give yourself to your love spontaneously, you are actually detached from the counters of time and find yourself so content and blissful that you looses your self and finds it in being with your lover. I love being in love, even though its one sided but its unconditional.

  14. Adv Desi says:

    my 2 cents:

    Love is OVERLOADED word, Love is what mother does to their child; everything else is not Love. you don’t love others, you *like* others. You can’t “love all”, that’s tennis score and only remains for short time.

    Love is static and remains unchanged by surrounding conditions. The one which changes is not love its affection and that’s time/condition driven.

    What do I know ?

  15. pearl says:

    Our films and novels propogate a brand of love that the psychologists refer to as codependency and which serves as a toxic poison for the soul….true love begins with self love…a very rare value to find these days

  16. Devi says:

    Your writing has such a blended way of emerging spirit… wow!!!!
    Thanks a ton!
    Really each day i ask to ask to seek his/her blessings n to provide me an insight to this worldly duties…
    But the topic , the real one that has been growing , & i am gossiping, chatting, thinking, talking wid it all the tyms wid thyself.
    Thanks i am today feeling too good.
    Thanks again for the enlightenment!

  17. kavitha says:

    The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious…

    http://goo.gl/VkU7v

  18. brahmastra says:

    That is quite a deluded and misleading blog on ‘love’. This is what society and its various propaganda machines have been brainwashing people with..ahh, that one true ‘external’ love! In that, you are creating emotional attachments and dependency which can be utterly disastrous, like binding someone with heavy chains.

    True love is knowing that love lies not anywhere outside but within your own Self. You are love, and you attribute that feeling of love to an external object and hence get trapped in a vicious cycle of ignorance and emotional mind games. Be free and detached, know that bliss and love is your core nature, and its true that externals can help uncover that on occasion, but keep the perspective else you will get lost in the illusion.

  19. Raji says:

    The Only place where one can find unconditional love is within oneself.

    The biggest challenge of our times is the inability to love and appreciate oneself.

    “Love is built on two, not one” you have said.
    The “two” is me and myself – the fragmented part called “me” and the complete true self called “me”.
    Unless this illusionary gap within is closed , one can never experience “unconditional love” even if it comes your way…

    :-) Much love to All ! :-) Because, I can honestly say “I love myself ! ” :-)

  20. Moha says:

    The Many Faces if Love

    When I look at you
    I look inside
    To find the link
    That we are joined by.
    The chord that cuts at birth
    Continues to nourish
    The bliss following the cry
    Continues to flourish
    You, my child are a reflection
    Of some of me…

    When I look at you
    I see ourselves
    In passionate embrace
    The longing that tugs
    In some deep corner
    Of a parting that must
    For only then have we loved
    To come together
    In some other world
    Once again, in passionate embrace…

    When I look at you
    I see the face of me
    Another human
    Be it “he” or “she”
    Living side by side
    Amidst the perils
    That surround us
    Sharing the joys
    That lie within us
    You and me…

    When I look at you
    I see the very kin
    With whom I share
    Memories stretched
    Over years of growth
    Changing seasons
    And many moods
    Laughter and tears
    Adorn our way
    You and I are one and the same…

  21. Nigel says:

    Very nicely expressed

    The difficulty is that love begins in discovering another person; over time, as life settles down day to day pressures and priorities submerge the passion, ease away the intensity, lower the heartbeat…people who love one another can then drift apart through inertia, or be torn apart by circumstances, their love reduced to rubble by stress and adversity. Conversely, the challenges of life can draw people closer, freshen the feelings that had become lost or stale, and the passion and intensity of love can be reborn.

    Which direction the relationship takes is determined by intangibles such as the levels of faith, trust and respect in the partner, and the ability to communicate effectively with one another, to make your partner feel valued and loved, and for each to put the others happiness at least equal to their own

  22. manisha jha says:

    just experienced happiness while reading this in the same manner wat i experience being in love :-)
    Only Love is Real :-)

  23. srinivas says:

    who r u? r u my inner-self? r u shadow of my soul?

    u expressed the love that people want to forget, the passion people want to extinguish, the voice people want it to be mute.

  24. Harb says:

    Intuit true Love non-linearly then reach there linearly, step-by-step experiencing and trcrossing on the way

  25. Harb says:

    Intuit true Love non-linearly then reach ‘there’ linearly step by step crossing on the way all so-called false loves, attachments, egos, a work of life times.

  26. Maritza says:

    That is very wonderful… Everything means nothing If we have not love. The purest thing and deepest truth is LOVE. I like what you wrote, keep on writing, because it touches my soul, I believe it also touched others.

  27. Subodh Deshpande says:

    I think many of the blog readers had not read and understood it correctly..that is why there are commonly reactions and some fierce reactions too.
    And your question is valid but the form of love you want to see exists and alas the mankind never makes an attempt to know from it.. of course it is not their fault too in place like mumbai which is full of cement jungle can you find a tree which is full of its natural wealth and expressing its love towards earth naturally not..

    look at any tree it gives shadow, shelter, roots, branches, roots, fruits, seeds, wind and air every thing to the earth..even the cause of its own existence too it gives to the earth

    I think you want to say ‘…..the life is designed to experience (not feel) the complexities of love.

    Yes, initially it starts with that we are two different then it ends with we are one and then the ‘I’ remains nomore..

    thanks and take care..subodh

  28. koizen says:

    Hmmm…kabhi khayal aaya ki pahley apne aap say toh pyar theek tarah say hua ki nahi? har angle say samajna…

  29. samrita satpathy says:

    love…everyone wants to give it…feel it…have it…inspite of knowing the pain,difficulties it carries

  30. Sheela Nandini says:

    “Your body is a tree upside down…Hidden somewhere in the thick foliage sits your Krishna,the handsome one who attracts and charms each and all.He plays his flute,calling in strange notes,and all your cows,the senses,leave their pastures and gather around.

    This mischievous Krishna plays yet more strange notes and the dancers and danseuses,your energy currents,come running in all their beauty and gaze at him inside you.

    Beyond that is pure bliss…

    I pray that you are kidnapped by Krishna this day and I wish you a happy voyage to the world of that flute player who will charm you and love you.”

    —Swami Veda Bharati in The Light Of Ten Thousand Suns

    A Prayer,A Flower,A Song,Sunshine, & Love for you on this Special Day.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY,Shekharji ! Stay Young and Handsome Forever<3<3<3

    Love&affection
    Sheela

  31. Happy Birthday to one of my dearest directors in India, sir we are desperately waiting for Mr. India 2.

  32. Sheela Nandini says:

    Oh, that 70s song!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIRFbGJCmSI

    One of my all- time favourites. Playing it for you on this beautiful day! And I signed up on Qyuki.com today and shared two pics taken in Bengaluru. Thank you and Rahman Saheb for this unique platform.You set me free to just BE me.

    Love
    sheela

  33. Sonia says:

    merry christmas in advance Shekhar Ji

  34. Sunny says:

    Dear Shekhar Ji,

    I recently about your Movie PAANI. I have written a Poem on Paani sometime back and it fits the plot of your story completely. In fact it amazed me how similar the topics are.I would like to email you that poem , please email me your contact email id.
    I do not want to paste the poem here..

    Regards
    Sunny

  35. suresh says:

    That is quite a deluded and misleading blog on ‘love’. This is what society and its various propaganda machines have been brainwashing people with..ahh, that one true ‘external’ love! In that, you are creating emotional attachments and dependency which can be utterly disastrous, like binding someone with heavy chains.

    True love is knowing that love lies not anywhere outside but within your own Self. You are love, and you attribute that feeling of love to an external object and hence get trapped in a vicious cycle of ignorance and emotional mind games. Be free and detached, know that bliss and love is your core nature, and its true that externals can help uncover that on occasion, but keep the perspective else you will get lost in the illusion.

    Raji says:

    November 18, 2012 at 10:01 am

    The Only place where one can find unconditional love is within oneself.

    The biggest challenge of our times is the inability to love and appreciate oneself.

    “Love is built on two, not one” you have said.
    The “two” is me and myself – the fragmented part called “me” and the complete true self called “me”.
    Unless this illusionary gap within is closed , one can never experience “unconditional love” even if it comes your way…

    Much love to All ! Because, I can honestly say “I love myself ! ”

    Moha says:

    November 18, 2012 at 11:32 am

    The Many Faces if Love

    When I look at you
    I look inside
    To find the link
    That we are joined by.
    The chord that cuts at birth
    Continues to nourish
    The bliss following the cry
    Continues to flourish
    You, my child are a reflection
    Of some of me…

    When I look at you
    I see ourselves
    In passionate embrace
    The longing that tugs
    In some deep corner
    Of a parting that must
    For only then have we loved
    To come together
    In some other world
    Once again, in passionate embrace…

    When I look at you
    I see the face of me
    Another human
    Be it “he” or “she”
    Living side by side
    Amidst the perils
    That surround us
    Sharing the joys
    That lie within us
    You and me…

    When I look at you
    I see the very kin
    With whom I share
    Memories stretched
    Over years of growth
    Changing seasons
    And many moods
    Laughter and tears
    Adorn our way
    You and I are one and the same…

    Nigel says:

    November 18, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Very nicely expressed

    The difficulty is that love begins in discovering another person; over time, as life settles down day to day pressures and priorities submerge the passion, ease away the intensity, lower the heartbeat…people who love one another can then drift apart through inertia, or be torn apart by circumstances, their love reduced to rubble by stress and adversity. Conversely, the challenges of life can draw people closer, freshen the feelings that had become lost or stale, and the passion and intensity of love can be reborn.

    Which direction the relationship takes is determined by intangibles such as the levels of faith, trust and respect in the partner, and the ability to communicate effectively with one another, to make your partner feel valued and loved, and for each to put the others happiness at least equal to their own

    manisha jha says:

    November 19, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    just experienced happiness while reading this in the same manner wat i experience being in love
    Only Love is Real

    srinivas says:

    November 21, 2012 at 11:43 am

    who r u? r u my inner-self? r u shadow of my soul?

    u expressed the love that people want to forget, the passion people want to extinguish, the voice people want it to be mute.

    Harb says:

    November 25, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Intuit true Love non-linearly then reach there linearly, step-by-step experiencing and trcrossing on the way

    Harb says:

    November 25, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Intuit true Love non-linearly then reach ‘there’ linearly step by step crossing on the way all so-called false loves, attachments, egos, a work of life times.

    Maritza says:

    November 28, 2012 at 9:17 am

    That is very wonderful… Everything means nothing If we have not love. The purest thing and deepest truth is LOVE. I like what you wrote, keep on writing, because it touches my soul, I believe it also touched others.

    Subodh Deshpande says:

    November 29, 2012 at 11:21 am

    I think many of the blog readers had not read and understood it correctly..that is why there are commonly reactions and some fierce reactions too.
    And your question is valid but the form of love you want to see exists and alas the mankind never makes an attempt to know from it.. of course it is not their fault too in place like mumbai which is full of cement jungle can you find a tree which is full of its natural wealth and expressing its love towards earth naturally not..

    look at any tree it gives shadow, shelter, roots, branches, roots, fruits, seeds, wind and air every thing to the earth..even the cause of its own existence too it gives to the earth

    I think you want to say ‘…..the life is designed to experience (not feel) the complexities of love.

    Yes, initially it starts with that we are two different then it ends with we are one and then the ‘I’ remains nomore..

    thanks and take care..subodh

    koizen says:

    November 29, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    Hmmm…kabhi khayal aaya ki pahley apne aap say toh pyar theek tarah say hua ki nahi? har angle say samajna…

    samrita satpathy says:

    December 4, 2012 at 1:08 am

    love…everyone wants to give it…feel it…have it…inspite of knowing the pain,difficulties it carries

    Sheela Nandini says:

    December 6, 2012 at 9:29 am

    “Your body is a tree upside down…Hidden somewhere in the thick foliage sits your Krishna,the handsome one who attracts and charms each and all.He plays his flute,calling in strange notes,and all your cows,the senses,leave their pastures and gather around.

    This mischievous Krishna plays yet more strange notes and the dancers and danseuses,your energy currents,come running in all their beauty and gaze at him inside you.

    Beyond that is pure bliss…

    I pray that you are kidnapped by Krishna this day and I wish you a happy voyage to the world of that flute player who will charm you and love you.”

    —Swami Veda Bharati in The Light Of Ten Thousand Suns

    A Prayer,A Flower,A Song,Sunshine, & Love for you on this Special Day.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY,Shekharji ! Stay Young and Handsome Forever<3<3<3

    Love&affection
    Sheela

    Nisha Acharya says:

    December 6, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Happy Birthday to one of my dearest directors in India, sir we are desperately waiting for Mr. India 2.

    Sheela Nandini says:

    December 6, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Oh, that 70s song!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIRFbGJCmSI

    One of my all- time favourites. Playing it for you on this beautiful day! And I signed up on Qyuki.com today and shared two pics taken in Bengaluru. Thank you and Rahman Saheb for this unique platform.You set me free to just BE me.

    Love
    sheela

    Sonia says:

    December 13, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    merry christmas in advance Shekhar Ji

    Sunny says:

    December 13, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    Dear Shekhar Ji,

    I recently about your Movie PAANI. I have written a Poem on Paani sometime back and it fits the plot of your story completely. In fact it amazed me how similar the topics are.I would like to email you that poem , please email me your contact email id.
    I do not want to paste the poem here..

    Regards
    Sunny

  36. yeshi says:

    Hi,

    Loved this article. Love is such an unsolved mystery. However, I believe that the love which has no conditions is not love. Simply put: Unconditional love is a concept flawed inherently. The two most common examples of unconditional love that people give are: from parents or from a pet (mostly dog)
    But in both these cases, our unconditional lover has no room for exit. Also, if a mother walks away from a child cz he/she has been disrespectful or hurtful, then she will be labelled as a bad mother and similarly the pet will be labelled disloyal. True love will never take the other person for granted that is ask for unconditional love. Therefore, true love has conditions like mutual respect, compassion, dependability and emotional support.

  37. Roohi Rai says:

    The experience of Love is the first experience of God. God comes when two lovers meet and merge into each other. When two are no more two, when that union happens, God penetrates us. Then the beyond comes to the earth, the sky meets the earth. But rarely are we in an orgasmic unity; rarely are we so much in tune with the other that we are ready to sacrifice our ego. In fact, we go on doing the contrary: our love is also an ornament for our ego; our love is also a new treasure to strengthen the ego, to gratify the ego. Rather than destroying it, our games about love go on nourishing.

  38. urvashi says:

    Shekhar ji,
    I am new to your blog. loved this piece. I have left the world and a so called sensible and stable life in search of love…now I have just love and nothing else. At this juncture I do miss the world sometimes ….. its predictability , it ‘s peace , it’s security !!! The lane of love was never for feeble hearted !!!
    love,
    Urvashi

  39. samaran says:

    nice postThe experience of Love is the first experience of God. God comes when two lovers meet and merge into each other. When two are no more two, when that union happens, God penetrates us. Then the beyond comes to the earth, the sky meets the earth.

  40. I AM THEREFORE I EXIST says:

    I will bear until I am broken, when I Am broken I will heal again.

    The invisible force will give me the abundant guidance and will enable me to stand up again to face you once again, to see, to show my smile. In it lies my deepest pain, my immense suffering my guilt that I smile only to hide my love for you. Will it hurt every moment of every instance. Does it hurt, never will it ever.

    Masochism is a minute trait within me I share with none. In my mind I see only darkness, for in that darkness does your light shine the brightest.

    That drop of white star is radiant, although concealed by the forces of black. For just when death comes does immortality begin. A privileged encounter with you has given me the courage, the effervescent love unfading for the rest of time.

    Does it hurt? if it does it surely isn’t LOVE.

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