how unloved do you feel ?

“nobody loves me
and, least of all
myself”
are we so unloved by ourselves, that we do not consider ourselves worthy of others love ? So unloved by ourselves that we deflect and are suspicious of any hand that extends love ? And then hate, which is only a construct of a great feeling of self loathing.
And why did I have to write so much more, to explain the universality of the few words that I wrote first ?

28 Responses to “how unloved do you feel ?”

  1. Gopi says:

    Thats not healthy!!

  2. Em Posts says:

    Looks a bit negative to me..

  3. pragzz says:

    Ouch. Please don’t say that! There are lots of good people out there who love you, many of who you’ve never met. Give them a chance!! And while you are at it, give yourself a chance!!

  4. Isabel says:

    hummm
    love the law of polarities …
    night and day …
    beauty and the beast…
    as above so below …
    “everybody loves me
    and most of all
    myself…”
    hee hee hee
    no wonder I fell in love with my garden…

  5. bhawana says:

    aawwwhh sabki yehi kahani hai

  6. Grasshopper says:

    hey, are you blue? or are you in the god had abandoned me darkest before dawn?
    sit in nature for a few hours, balance will be restored.

  7. Shekhar
    Reminds me of this lovely paragraph from Jeanette Winterson’s Written on the Body:
    I love you. Why is it that the most unoriginal thing we can say to one another is still the thing we long to hear? I love you is always a quotation. You did not say it first and neither did I, yet when you say it and when I say it we speak like savages who have found three words and worship them.

  8. bhawana says:

    hmmm… pretty enlightening, aapke bhi yehi issues hain…( a position where I would love to aim to reach)..
    toh mujh jaise ke bhi aise hi issue…SO really..
    Waoh, what is there to achieve, but a true smile in this moment.

  9. Himanshu says:

    Dear Shekhar,
    I think we may have such feelings from time to time but these are transitory feelings. I remembered this rather funny quote that I once read which goes perfectly here:
    “Sometimes I feel as if the whole world is against me, but I know that’s not true… some of the smaller countries are neutral.”
    The acceptance of love has its challenges just because we have become adults and evaluate every thing too much. This saying goes her perfectly
    “To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing.” Eva Young
    And if we evaluate every thing from every angle we may not be able to do anything. We need to learn from children who accept love from everyone – just give them a loving a caring hug and they give you that back.
    So I’d say that if you see genuine feelings of love and affection, do extend you hand out as there are lots of genuine people in this world. To love is to risk but that is true with everything in life. This saying goes perfectly here and I hope everyone takes these risks:
    “To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”
    Best Regards,
    Himanshu

  10. bhawana says:

    Actually let me correct that ” I Shekhar Kapur You”
    :))))

  11. Gopi says:

    I think most of us love ourselves, i think it is sometimes a lack of confidence that could make us feel unworthy of others love.
    So is it self love our self confidence?

  12. ruchi says:

    u love me what else i want
    u fullfil me whome else i want
    i love my self , i am u , u r me
    we r one

  13. austere says:

    I have just begin this “looking at myself from outside” change- and it just feels so good. Can’t explain.
    That last line was haunting, somehow.

  14. kavitha says:

    the rays of the sun
    the radiance of the moon
    the song of the breeze
    the dance of the waves
    and all the warmth
    of the eternal embrace
    just for you
    till you open the door

  15. How could you do this?
    telling me you too are weak
    embroiled in self doubt
    you are one our heroes
    one who has seen the world
    known many a people
    made the money, got the fame
    Are you telling me
    it all does not matter
    it all will fail to feel important
    telling me the battle is the same
    wherever you are,whatever you do
    why are you deconstructing yourself
    telling me what i don’t want to hear
    about myself
    you can’t be that human
    you can’t be that easy to hurt
    you are one of our heroes..
    tell me its not so empty
    tell me what i want to hear
    not what I fear..

  16. Loving ourself is the first love then only we can expect love from others.

  17. saviii from Japan says:

    Hey Dear,
    Dont say that nobody loves you,
    I bet lot of people love you,
    but may be you want someone other to love you,
    Am I right?
    Dont go in depression, Dear
    everything needs some time,
    dont rush to conclusion that no one loves you.
    While saying this dont ever ever forget Kaweri.
    I felt bad when you said these words.
    N number of times I went in depression but I never said that nobody loves me.
    Because really I believe myself that atleast I love myself.
    by the way how to know that you read my message, how to get your reply?
    one drop of ocean,
    saviii

  18. Koizen says:

    and then…there is mother’s love…
    and then…when you look at a small baby girl who doesnt have tooth and you love her…
    and then…you on a journey and see raindrops washing the dust away on the tree leafs…
    and then…you look into mirror and let go a smile…
    and then…and then and then….
    it comes to this—–> Do I accept myself?
    Do I look in mirror and see my eyes and say do I make you proud?
    Did I drive my car so fast in life that I forgot to put gas in it?
    Did I lost anything? If I did, why do I get despite all a sense of love? So maybe I lost something but am aware of it? so everything is not lost…just temperory forgotten…
    take light…by the way Shekharji…I really, really admire, respect and love you as big bro…when I met you…you just said…
    “Kaise ho yaar” “kya haal hei”
    I smiled and said…am fine…and other things…but wanted to say…”Bhai..wohi haddi, wohi khaal hei, baaki sab theek-thak hei” yet, you smiled…but still , lightness is all there
    so, if one takes contrast…of love…
    say hatred…that too holds one thing for sure…
    “Take light”
    isnt it a balance?
    and what’s the thing to balance?
    those two words beyond comprehension of man – love….and hate?
    well, till now I felt for both…acceptance….somehow…acceptance of both balances it….and even before that…one has to accept one’s own love…and hatred
    so…bottomline
    If I can love myself…the more…it will flow out…somebody will be there to take it…its all there to flow and be taken…hence, if I am not at all comfy with my love and bankrupt in love how will I give and down the ages, they say love is to be given…the only point is …it must be taken by right persons…so is hatered…the genuine one…not the fake one…its all to that…
    and after writing this, I still am not cent percent sure because words like ‘love’ are too much of feelings then our thinking allows us at any given point
    Amen…to all those who love and want to be loved…love thyself…for you shall be doing lord’s duty

  19. Kitsune says:

    To many of us we find love to be very important, we find it to be the one thing that seems to just even the world. We only reconise it’s existence as a feeling of belonging to somthing that dosnt belong. Every love we have is only a comparison to our first love. that unversal feeling that connects to another is all that we and the rest of our species strive for… long for. we gave it a name.. A DEFINITION. but in truth its just somthing we can’t and will never come to understand. I have really only read a few of your articles or subjects, and I can tell that your curiousity is what drives you. so why not let yourself feel the love you have and let it reach out to others to see how you and your love can affect the world around you.
    peace

  20. Chaitali says:

    Your blog is one place where you should know that, there are people who think you are just gr8!!!
    I am a lil confused…….Why wudnt you love yourself?
    Personally, I think “love” and “hate” are extremely strong emotions for me to handle………..

  21. Neeta says:

    Many a times it’s not love but attention that we need. I find it a good exercise to visualise listening out to myself! And to embrace everything that is, the good and the bad, is where peace is. Then our actions arise out of this peace, not a sense of insecurity or unfulfilment. If we are living in illusion I’d rather have a good illusion! though I suspect some things are closer to the truth than to illusion.

  22. Veena Nagpal says:

    Oh its the worst disease humans suffer from – the feeling of being unloved.
    I wrote a novel on this theme – ‘To:God@Heaven.com’. It was a semifinalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award -2008.

  23. Neha says:

    I guess i know what is missing… its just that you want to be loved by someone special and that one is missing….else makes a presence but not imporatance.
    Regards,
    Neha

  24. jaydev says:

    i dont feel loved right now.

  25. manju says:

    @ Himanshu,
    Lovely thoughts Himanshu, though its too late to respond.
    ‘Our greatest regret will be for the risk we never took’ n ‘everything will be at risk when we risk nothing!’
    And regarding loving oneself and being open to be loved isn’t it a matter of self confidence? There is nothing to think about love, either you think of loving… just keep thinking, or u skip thinking and just love.
    I have come across someone who said that she does not deserve my affection or friendship as she is not worth it. I never understood this, but continued to be caring and loving, finally after a couple of years, the same saying came my way but in the opposite direction… as to ‘i use friendship, and i am ‘mathlabi’ and not worth any friendship or love…from anyone…’
    Still whatever happenned is a mystery for me,and the most painful phase of life.
    Why people do that shekhar? Do you have any explanaton for it? Is it that they dont love themselves and hence can not believe that soemone else could love them? If at all you read this post pleaaaaaaaaaaaase add ur thoughts.
    PS: it was never any affair, was just pure friendship(if i could call it friendship at all), so please consider only in that context.

  26. PB says:

    I am loved by many and I know it
    But I want to be loved by that one person because we have an intensity. Knowing that this will also pass, I want to experience the high. But… I have put so much of importance on this person that not receiving love from her is making me go crazy and making me incapable of acknowledging other people’s love.
    Worst – I am made to accept the presence of another man in her life.
    I have risked like hell in the last few months and fallen flat on my face…and I dont know if it was worth risking everything that I risked… May be at 60, if I live till then, I may feel good…
    Confidence is never a given, it grows with every step one takes… Its a variable throughout one’s life…But this one powerful emotion called love has the capacity to annihilate even the reserve confidence – we call self-respect…
    The one who loves less controls everything.

  27. PB says:

    She doesnt look at me
    the way I do
    Life doesnt look at me
    the way I do
    Even death is attending
    to someone else…
    Inbetween I exist
    waiting…
    Who out of the 3 will
    reach me first?

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