the fear of emptiness
\nthat hollow sinking fear
\nthat grip of panic
\nthat first realization
\nthe moment of waking up
\nthat there is nothing
\nthere was nothing
\nbut the mind trying to hold
\nfantasies and memories
\nto somehow connect
\nthose fantasies
\nthose memories
\nto the coming day
\nhow will I survive it ?
\nif I will survive it?
\nwith the same lies I tell myself ?
\nas I move the day into a construct
\nof reality
\nof importance
\nof memory
\nof addictiveness
\nof lies
\nto myself
\nif only I could get out of bed
\nand go to the temple
\nas I had promised myself a year ago
\nor to the gym, 5 years ago
\nso that the hormones in my body
\nprovoked by faith
\nor by excercise
\ncould erase that cloying feeling
\nof emptiness
\nfrom my mind
\nbut wait …..<\/p>\n
\n….but wait
\nmy computer
\nmy window into the world
\nmy website
\nwhere people write wonderful things
\nmaybe the news !
\nthank god for Google
\nthe window into the world
\nsomething to pre occupy you
\nahh – the american economy has collapsed
\nahh – bomb blasts all over the world
\nahh – politics
\nahh – analysis
\nahh – statistics
\nahh – dramatics
\nahh – the distractions of the day
\nbut wait !
\nlife has value
\nwhat am I talking about ?
\nthis stupid mind
\nall those crazy thoughts
\nabout emptiness
\nfor there are e mails to answer
\nwriters to meet
\ntaxes to pay
\npapaya to eat
\nlassi to drink
\nmy child to hug
\n(she hates that in the morning)
\nfilms to make
\ngreat congratulatory
\ntelephone calls to answer
\nbeautiful girls to fantasize
\nand there is facebook !
\nahh, there is really so much to do
\nahh, the body rhythm is normal
\nahhh, the day has begun
\nahh, the emptiness has gone
\naah, the distractions of the day
\nyet again the battle has been won !
\nmy ego has survived
\nfor this single day
\nfor surely
\nas it has done for
\nas long as memory
\nthe battle will begin the next day
\nat 5 am again
\ntill then a truce is called
\nthe truth ?
\nwhy is it so painful ?
\neach day
\nthe lies I tell myself
\nmore devastating
\nmore desperate
\nas emptiness creeps
\ncloser
\ncloser
\nlike a slow moving hot lava
\nto engulf me
\ncruel and stinging
\nwithout any empathy
\nno sympathy
\nlike a million screaming crows
\ncawing in my ear
\nscreaming loudly
\nliar ! liar ! liar ! liar!
\nthere is nothing
\nnothing
\nnothing
\ndeep in to the void
\nnothing
\nfalling
\ngiving up
\nletting go
\nof memory
\nof the past
\nof addiction
\nof the future
\nof the fear
\njust a falling
\nif I just let go
\nif I just let go
\nif I just let go<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
the fear of emptiness that hollow sinking fear that grip of panic that first realization the moment of waking up that there is nothing there was nothing but the mind trying to hold fantasies and memories to somehow connect those fantasies those memories to the coming day how will I survive it ? if I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-419","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poems"],"yoast_head":"\n