If I am not exploring,
is there no discovery ?

and is it discovery I am looking for
or is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
just another deeper,
more profound,
more relevant question ?

If I am not in angst with the script,
are my characters not in angst with themselves ?
am I the director, another character in angst ?
Can I live in the story ?
Can I both create a world, and then step into it myself ?
Who am I in this film ?

The last four days have been easier
I finished on time
I have not been torn apart
is something going wrong ?
have I lost my passion ?
or am I just well prepared
am I too prepared ?
am I not being organic ?

please, can I continue to live on the edge ?
to explore on the edge

please,

let me be a sail whipped around in the wind
let the symphony engulf me
and please
can it be totally unpredictable ?

and let every moment be a question
where every thought is dispersed
and a new one rushes in to fill the vaccum

Please do not let me become a prisoner
of my knowledge
of career
of a job
of my desire
to please
of my need
to be appreciated

shekhar