be vulnerable

so vulnerable

that the pain of

a falling leaf

reaches out, and ..

moves you to tears

be aware

be so aware

that the sound of the first flap

of  new born butterfly’s wings

fills your heart with joy

let me tell you a story

a story that never ends ..

let me tell you a story

a story that never began

let me tell you a story

that was there when God found himself

and will still be there when God

forgets who he is

let me tell you a story

a story of love

responding with grief

to moments of joy

shared with loved ones

that are suddenly

no longer with us,

is memory so fickle

that it turns from love and joy

in an instant to grief ?

the purity that lay in that moment

altered and prejudiced forever

by ever changing forms

of memory

by fear of emptiness

by fear of loss.

hoping the tears

will wash away

those fears,

leaving behind

just purity

of love

unfettered by loss,

for

the mystery of death

being no greater than

that of birth

like two eternal lovers

entwined,

one has no existence

without  the other,

but birth

brings no memory

no carbuncles on its hull

but only wonder,

and death

leaves a lifetime of memories

of associations

of fear

of loss,

let the memories

be dissolved

in my tears

leaving an

overwhelming

sensation

of love

like birth

the wrenching away

of your hand

the

pushing away

from my embrace, the

scream that rose from deep within

the

ugliness of words

desperate

for conviction, the

slamming of the door

an illusion

of permanence

your image through the window

like a shadow

a half self

the other half

breathing

throbbing

living

loving

inside

my heart

when did you

ever leave ?

searching for imprints

that i left

when I was with you

the imprint

that I am now

reconfigured

as is yours

matching imprints

of moments

of memories

like

matching waves in an ocean

from one moment

to the next

we together

the ocean

memories

the waves

I am
nothing more
but nothing less

I am not
who you think I am
I am not
who I think I am

I am
all that is
and all that is not

I am
neither defined
nor definable
neither finite
nor infinite

I am
that

that was never born
or ever died

I am
that has no word
to describe

that I am

I just

am

the mind asks
and the mind answers
the mind dreams
and the mind doubts

we wait for the dawn
so the battle can begin
once again, thrown
into action

i said
you said
we all said

the same thing
we said

and then
i said
you said
we all said

and then again..

we just said
what we just said

whispered into the wind
every unspoken word
of love
that my own ears
yearn to catch

every moment
that floats
unseen
unnoticed
unheard
untouched
that i yearn to hold
to memorize
to imprint
so I do not forget
ever

can i not hold
even one fleeting moment
inside ?
so that when sleep escapes
into the storm of night
i don’t have to yearn
to search
in sheer panic

for that
which I cannot see
cannot hear
cannot touch

but that
which surrounds me

teasing me with your presence
brushing past me
like the breath of an angel
and then flying away with that smile
the receding promise of coming back
like the gentle lapping wave
touching my toes and then flowing away
you stare into my eyes with teasing smile
the promise of the embrace that you keep away

I ask you why I must let my thoughts wander
I ask you why I must explore the depths of where
it is meaningless to go
what do you want of me
what must I do to comfort you
so your gentle hands stroke my face
as i move into your embrace
without you shying away
like a newly wed bride