Masturbating in the Tower of London

I apologize for my absence. I am on the road location hunting for Golden Age, the sequel to Elizabeth. Have a lot of my old team back so we share jokes about the previous film. One of the most famous one being that I almost got fired before we even got to shoot the film ..


Well, my fault. The producer and I both agreed that we have to turn the genre’ of the British Period Drama on it’s head. atleast that’s what I wanted to do.
So I was walking with the writer in Hyde Park one day. We spoke about the young Princess Elizabeth’s life in the Tower. Terribly in love with Dudley (who was to betray her later), she would spend hours thinking and dreaming about him. Or so we imagined.
Now in a typically period drama, she would have written long love letters that she would try and smuggle out to him. But this was different, was’nt it ? What would she do ?
So I just said jokingly. She would masturbate. And forgot about it.
Now for those of you that have not met me, I have to tell u that I have a pretty silly grin, that is half lopsided, on my face most of the time. So people have a tough time knowing whether I am joking or I am serious. Well, the writer took me seriously.
So, to my horror, the scene went into the film. The script was sent for reading to the producer and to the studio. And there it was in bold type. In the Tower of London, the greatest icon of English history, described simply as .. well. . masturbating.
As you can imagine, I had to beg my way back into the film.
And so to the current film. Golden Age. This is more about an internal struggle. The Queen, older, wiser and far more in control, falls seriously in love with a sea faring, dashing, handsome free spirited privateer called Walter Raliegh (being played by Clive owen).
And she struggles with her passions. Not wanting to give herself to man, and yet every cell in her body desiring him. The battle raging between a great Immortal Monarch and passionate woman.
And there then is the scene. Elizabeth alone at night, looks at her body in the mirror. Wondering how to handle her passions. Someone asked me, but what is she doing ? How do we know her passions are about to explode ?
Well, I thought .. why not play a joke ? I .. used the M word !
I think I have just been fired off this film. Will some one pleeeease write to Universal Studios and say it was just a joke ?
Shekhar

33 Responses to “Masturbating in the Tower of London”

  1. Cinda says:

    What’s the address?
    Cinda

  2. Cinda says:

    Nice twist though, Shekharji…how does she cool the passions of fire?
    Cinda

  3. Ballori says:

    ahaha… perhaps making such comments around serious people isn’t a good idea… but i must say, that is very funny, yet quite an interesting thought. i’m sure you won’t get fired. anyway. good luck!

  4. Kriti says:

    Hahaha…
    That would be something to watch out for…Although I suspect it might require more than a letter to convince Universal Studios!
    Waiting anxiously for the film though…with the M word or minus it! 😀

  5. Navin says:

    Dear Shekhar,
    You almost shocked me with your headline using the M word! I understand that all Sagittarians are naturally clumsy, but you can’t repeat the same mistake twice! LOL.
    Cheers!
    Navin

  6. Heather says:

    Hi Shekhar,
    With her ladies always in attendance, she might have been hard-pressed for privacy enough to reduce her stress and fear by that particular means, in the earlier film. (Would passion have been first at such a time?)
    But please tell us that possibly being fired from the Golden Age for repeating the joke is a joke on us. We are waiting for this film. 🙂
    Cheers, Heather

  7. Samrat says:

    Hi Shekhar,
    Don’t lose your head – in Her Ladyship’s reign it would have been on a platter by now 🙂
    Samrat.

  8. shitij kohli says:

    Hi Shekhar,
    I must say you had a very catchy headline this time…..cause most of the times i find the head lines of your posts very heavy..i immediately start thinking of the hidden meaning (or broder meaning)of your headline …….but this was a cool,crisp and cunning one.
    I was busy delivering my project…missed quite a few of entries…(entirely my loss).
    Clive Owen is rocking…i liked him in Sincity , he was good in closer as well , but King Arthur was so-so.Waiting to see derailed.
    Hope you have a very good time , I wish you very best and good luck.
    take care.
    regards,
    Shitij Kohli

  9. kapil joshi says:

    …..dhadkan kahe ruk jaoon main bas ab yahin….
    strange!was listening to this song(the last beat) by pankaj awasthi while reading this “elizabethean” situation…please listen to this song and there are more beautiful songs by the same guy on this link
    http://www.musicindiaonline.com/l/10/s/album.3686/

  10. Dear Shekhar,
    You have a great sense of humor. Please let me know if there is anyway I can get in touch with you? I am an independent filmmaker based out of Bangalore, would like to meet you and discuss a few things. Kindly let me know how I can get in touch with you at my yahoo ID – sreeshabv@yahoo.com
    I am sure with things at high, you will be quite busy. I shall wait for your contacts.
    Appreciate your time and concern…
    Many Thanks
    Sreesha Belakvaadi

  11. …And sorry for getting in touch with you this way (with regards to my last post).
    I did not have a choice, since I could not get anyother better way to contact you.
    As they say, its a chance of life to get in touch with a celebrity one-one. I hope I will catch up with you.
    Cheers
    Sreesha Belakvaadi

  12. Mike Shea says:

    I am sitting right now on Christmas Eve in my mother’s living room watching the final scene in “Elizabeth”. Back when the film first came out she was visiting me in Washington DC and mentioned this artsy new film of the life of Queen Elizabeth. She had to drag me there but once I left, I had found one of my favorite movies. I bought the DVD for both her and myself and we watch it each year with me yelling out lines like “She is but a child and still you piss yourselves” along with Norfolk. I found the director’s commentary to be one of the most interesting I had heard.
    The idea of filming Elizabeth masturbating in the Tower isn’t so far fetched these days. I recall a similar scene in the HBO series Rome these days involving Octavia of the Julii and her secret lusts for Servilia of the Junii. Darker looks at history seem to be the trend these days, a trend one could point to your excellent work in Elizabeth.
    So this time, after watching the excellent (yet not as good as this film) version of Elizabeth by Masterpiece Theater, I said “They need to make an Elizabeth 2 that starts at the end of this movie”. My mother said “He should do ‘Mary, Queen of Scots’ and ‘Eleanor of Aquitaine'”. So I ran over to the computer and not only do I find out you are filming “Elizabeth, The Golden Age” but you also have a blog!
    Thank you for making Elizabeth and I cannot wait to see Golden Age. This is easily one of my favorite movies of all time.
    Mike Shea

  13. houmor says:

    hi!
    how is it possible to be casted for a role in this movie? casting directors address? now i write not with my private but second email-address.
    male and female, as you wrote…my body in this incarnation is female 🙂
    please write me to this address. s-management@hotmail.com
    enjoy christmas silence!

  14. Tom Stevens says:

    Hi Shekhar,
    Apologies that this is strung onto an old entry – I just hope you get to read it, but this seemed the most appropriate entry to add my comment to.
    I am a history student at the University of Birmingham, England in my second year. As part of a research project with four other students I am taking part in a study of the “Value of Historical Film” and we are using ‘Elizabeth’ as they focus of the study. It culminates essentially in a half-hour group presentation and an individual essay.
    The argument we are putting forward is that (based on your film, and comparing it to historical documentaries on Elizabeth and primary sources) Historical Popular Film IS valuable.
    SO, what am I writing to ask is do you have any useful nuggets of wisdom that might help us – I have attempted to find out if you employed any historians on the film for accuracy, but cannot – and although it obvious that the film is full of historical inconsistencies (which do not, in our opinion, impair the value of the film) there is a lot of accuracy and aspects which must have required a large amount of research. Anything in this vein would be useful.
    I hope what I have written and asked makes sense and you might be able to shed some light on our situation!
    Kind regards, and happy location hunting,
    Tom Stevens
    Birmingham
    t@jgubby.com

  15. mary says:

    hi! this is for the one who makes the choise of these emails!
    please dont send this email to publique web. i want you to ask mr. kapur to get an address to write him an handwrote letter, please. i will write just once and wont give it to anybody else. it is very important to me. and a nice letter for mr. kapur too. it can be any address which really reaches himself! thnak you very very much for your worthwhile. if there is a no, can you also write this to me, for not waiting endless for nothing? thank you!
    mary

  16. susanna says:

    Hello!
    First of all: thats really funny!
    Dear Shekhar, I am happy that I found your homepage. I want to work with you. I am an actress (living in Austria). I am the perfect Mary Stewart. Please visit my homepage. If you want to get to know me I can come over whereever you want to (London?) I know you are laughing about the way I write you, but the more direct the better. Please dont publish this e-mail on your homepage.it has my private dates – thanx!
    in any cse: I wish you great joy and a lot of laughing at your work!
    Su

  17. Nyay Bhushan says:

    Hi Shekhar
    Happy new year.
    That’s a funny story about Elizabeth!
    Hmmm…. want me to share this with the Hollywood Reporter?
    Are you still on your email address on which we used to chat?
    Cheers
    Nyay
    PS: If you recall, we last met in London in summer 2004 over coffee at a Starbucks in Central London.

  18. Sreesha says:

    Shekar, anyway to get in touch with you? Can you please let me know? I have a treasure of a concept to share with you. Please let me know your Chat ID, email ID etc… or if you do not want to publish, please send me a test mail at sreesha.buddha@gmail.com
    I hope to hear from you…
    Sincerely
    Sreesha

  19. Sreesha says:

    Hi Shekar,
    One more gentle remainder from my side. Can you plz let me know how can I get in touch with you. I am having a film script in mind for proposal, and I need to get in touch with you. Can you please send me a test mail to sreesha.buddha@gmail.com OR alternatively let me know your e-mail, Chat ID etc.
    Thank you
    Waiting to hear from you…
    Sreesha

  20. dhruv says:

    ha !
    ahh big deal, just change the name of the movie to the golden rage, catch a few b film producers, all the right masturbation scenes in the good tower and you’ll have a sure fire winner on your hands !
    dhruv

  21. Avesta says:

    Hello Mr. Kapur,
    I was wondering if you could help me with my dissertation. I am doing it on diasporic cinema. can u answer a few of my questions? Let me know if its possible. Take care
    🙂
    xxx

  22. pyra says:

    I’m sure the Virgin Queen Bess had to partake of the big M from time to time, especially to avoid prying eyes that too many lovers would take & to avoid pregnancy. Being a Queen is a sacrifice. 😉

  23. Preethy says:

    Dear Shekhar…
    Nice going through your website….one could sense the depth of what you feel.
    I am writing this mail for a help …sorry if im bothering you…my friend has developed a script for animated feature film.. she is a british citizen and would like to try this out in India..can pls give me some contact addresses where the script can be send
    Thanks n Regards,
    Preethy

  24. ravi swami says:

    No…just insert John Aubrey’s (Man of Letters whose “Brief Lives”, was possibly contemporaneous with Elizabeth herself?) mispelling of the word -“Mastrupating” for that touch of authenticity, and see if Universal blow a gasket….

  25. Simona says:

    Dear Mr Kapur,
    Yesterday I read in bbc.co.uk that The Golden Age is going to feature Mary Stewart but you killed her already. And this story about Raleigh is a bit worrying. I don’t mean that I won’t enjoy the sequel of one of the best historical films I have ever seen, I just want to say that “Elizabeth” seemed quite finished. What is more, you decided to kill Mary of Scotts without those famous 19 years in the Tower. And the relationship between Elizabeth and Dudley doesn’t finish like this, as far as I know. The ending in “Elizabeth” was very emotional and is always to be remembered but it fails to explain the presence of Essex in Court, something you can’t avoid, in my opinion. I study in a classical lyceum and I study mainly history (and ancient languages), so I know exactly what I am talking about.
    Don’t get my words wrong. I would really like to see the sequel but I think you should be very careful. Of course, all I know about the sequel is just rumours, I don’t have an actual idea of the script. As a fan, I just want the sequel to be as good as the first film.
    I sent a long letter to Geoffrey Rush two months ago but I think it never even reached Australia, that’s why I decided to write to you.
    I hope you will answer my letter.
    Yours sencerely,
    Simona
    P.S. If you need some help with chronicles or something of this kind written in Latin or Greek(which is not very probable anyway), I would be glad to assist.

  26. Vinay Shivhare says:

    Hello! Shekhar,
    I am childhood fan of yours, I might have seen all your work in the film including your initial roles like that in ‘Khanzar’and other telefilms & serials you acted in ‘Doordarshan’days of Indian tv film industry; at present I am workinfg on your general biography which most probably be included in “Marquiswhoswho.com” if my comany, which is a KPO from India in Mumbai, succeeds. I wish You a happier life and greater success so someday you might be holding an Oscar for any Indian or Hollywood movie. I am media scholar and a sort of poet-writer too but yet unpublished accept in school or university journal.You in fact are an icon for me who completely, shifted from one successful career to another one where excelled beyond anyone’s imagination. What happened to your Time-machine project. You could make some good indian science fiction. I have one very strange but ggod story based on my memory of some fiction I read in “Saptahik Hindustan” in my shool-days which was about winning over human need of food taking plants’system of photo-synthesis. May be you think I’m crazy or something but I really can do the story, scrrenplay, script and even dialogue as I am a distinction student of both the languages Hindi as well as English. think about that if you have time and respond, you wont regret or like to miss this one.
    Vinay Shivhare 09324645990 vinayshivhare@indiatimes.com or vinbinshivhare@rediffmail.com

  27. Mary Box says:

    You can’t be 33756 serious?!?

  28. Amit Vashisth says:

    Sir,
    I think its needless to begin by stating tht I am the FAN (Filosofically Aroused Neophyte)of the persona tht you are, and i admire, as a spectator, a critic, and as a student; all your Creative Approaches, which many term as FILMS.
    I am biologically a male(25), academically a Comp. Engg, and Workikally ( or professionally), i am a Storyteller (in extremely early stages).
    I shall be extremely thankful to you, for helping me reach the perfection (i.e you). I beg you to mould, refine and perfect this LAVA of IDEAS, in me, by allowing me to be one of the last of yours Assistants.
    Sir, this is not a spam, ive mailed my heart out to you.
    Thanks & Regards,
    Looking forward for your guidance,
    Amit Vashisth

  29. Advies says:

    Hi guys! You have nice site 🙂 Please, can i post my best sites here? Thank you for it 😉
    [url=][/url]

  30. Harpreet says:

    Funny how you mention it-the consumate entertainer.
    Telling people in your own way what you “jokingly” wanted in the film as you truthfully imagined a very masculine female doing under the circumstances.And as the scene could not be in it, now that people know, they can imagine her doing the jokingly suggested.
    The whole thing brings up two things :
    1. That one who has not hit the nadir at the act and so has not had to very very difficultly bring himself back to his senses can go on joking about it while not knowing how others who have gone through the ordeal feel about such jokes.
    This raises the question I myself have not yet been able to fully answer : Should children be stopped or protected from such habits at the risk of them becoming dependant know-nots who look up to others -parents,teachers,society,govt.and religion- for everything and try to be followers. OR
    Should they be allowed to indulge as they please and learn from what they find out themselves obviously in a very very hard way and thus become independant leaders.
    My Grandparents were orthodox.My father became a liberal in reaction.I have seen the pros and cons of having a completely liberal parent and found a lot of sense in what my grandparents were doing or thinking.But at the same time I cannot deny some merit in my father’s way too.Now I have two small kids(M4,F2)and imagine a middle path for them.
    2.Moral and social responsibility of Film making:
    Can a popular film made for the masses be very exerimental? Can the assumptions of renowned figures be allowed to play too much with tradition.Even if a film maker is channelising the evolution of popular thought should it be done responsibly in a soft and lingering way or abruptly.
    I mean at the end of the day what purpose would showing a would-be Queen masturbating in the Tower of London serve(except for trying to show through this that she was just a normal person like the rest of us-again an assumption of the normal person made by a film maker-it is still debatable that all normal people masturbate and that too universally).And I think without the joking scene the message had still come accross rather beautifully and much gracefully.
    But then again what would an entertainer do without the essential tarak-bharak,the masala(spice) which pulls people to the theaters.Again an assumption as we all have known films attracting audiences on their own gracefull ‘substance’ without a flicker of the flesh or lechery.
    ———————–
    And there is hardly any debate on the efficacy of masturbation.
    It has been known for ages in the east how Kundalini Shakti(the sexual energy) has to be raised from the penal area to the crown of the head to live in bliss and be divinly successfull in all pursuits.
    The west too very well knows the importance of transmutation of the sexual energy into creative power for success in life.
    Its only the corrupt looters of impressionable minds that like to indulge in such name-dropping- of-forbidden-things to arouse dark interests.
    I am absolutely with the Studios this time.
    ———————–
    I hope you are not planning to ban me from your site dear Shekhar.Ha Ha!

  31. Destinyqueen says:

    Ho! Ho!
    You’ve been naughty loool!
    Aint a queen a human? Even if she did “M” whats the harm wheres the anger why the punishment, why being in authority means killing ur emotions or pretending they dont exist or because we dont want to see them means it does not exist in them?
    We are being shallow huh!
    have a nice day, enjoying myself reading so much of so much yet not so much!
    Tadaaa

  32. kiran says:

    since u are making a film on subject water, there is a tamil movie called tannir-tannir(water-water) see it and u will get more ideas, saritha a tamil actress has done a marvellous job, though i am from Karnataka, i never miss out a movie like this

  33. KPO says:

    Very interesting one. It is evident that the inspiration comes anywhere. Thanks for sharing this.

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